Author: Rob Vaux

You could do worse… by which I mean you couldn't possibly do worse.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Rarely has the phrase "going through the motions" felt more fitting.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous

I suppose this is what we get for encouraging the man.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Fool! Dost thou not know that creepy children have cursed our screens in numbers too great to count, and by now, we find them marginally less terrifying than navel lint?

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

As a routine thriller Firewall is barely functional, but as a waste of talent, it’s positively amazing.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

By trying to convince us that we’re having a good time even as it pounds us senseless, Speed Racer moves beyond mediocrity and into the realm of active irritant.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Oh come on. Like you couldn’t smell this turkey rotting from miles away.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Progressing from nowhere to nothing and leaving only a greasy taste in the mouth as a reward.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

This couple has endured for over 900 years; the least Tristan & Isolde can do is show us a reason why.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

No, Cameron! Not another musical interlude! Please, I’ll be good!

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

A living testament to how low a studio will stoop to generate a few bucks.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous

It doesn’t suck. Please take a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor and we’ll continue.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

While Babylon A.D. isn’t the worst big-budget sci-fi film ever made, it comes near enough to merit avoiding at all costs.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

At least it’s not in 3D.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

A tedious, astonishingly irritating march through scene after scene of quasi-Jungian horse flop.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Miscellaneous

Sun Tzu believed that becoming predictable would lead to disaster. Apparently, the creators of The Art of War couldn’t be bothered to take him to heart.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism

You can actually hear the writers pulling ideas out of their butts and flinging them willy-nilly at the screen.

writer, editor & film reviewer
Reviews/Criticism