Author Rob Vaux | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Rob Vaux

Michael Madsen? Michelle Rodriguez? ‘I’ll take “Actors Who Should Never Appear in Period Pieces” for $500, Alex.’

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Bloodrayne”

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Shark Tale”

God help us, there’s going to be a director’s cut, isn’t there?

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism Review of “Eragon”

My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven’t seen it since.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “10 000 B.C.”

Not even Ian McKellan can bring it to life… and when Ian McKellan throws in the towel, you know the difficulties are too large to fix.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism The Da Vinci Code

Whew! That was close: something almost happened there for a minute.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2”

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Annapolis”

You say ‘psychotic codependency’ like it’s a bad thing.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Crazy Love”

It's flawless in its flaws, without a single redeeming element to obscure its idealized awfulness.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Nutcracker in 3D”

Stop for a moment and ponder just how stupid it is to blow the ending of your movie in the title.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn”

At least it’s not in 3D.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Hangover Part II”

This film sucks on a level I can scarcely describe.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”

Yeah Johnny, it’s got a Hemi. Too bad the rest of your movie is such a broken-down lemon.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer”

By trying to convince us that we’re having a good time even as it pounds us senseless, Speed Racer moves beyond mediocrity and into the realm of active irritant.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Speed Racer”

You’ll have more fun setting fire to yourself in the parking lot. You’ll be more entertained getting hit by a bus.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever”

You can actually hear the writers pulling ideas out of their butts and flinging them willy-nilly at the screen.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian”

I suppose this is what we get for encouraging the man.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Rambo (Rambo IV)” Sylvester Stallone

As a routine thriller Firewall is barely functional, but as a waste of talent, it’s positively amazing.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Firewall”

House of Wax is cheap, dirty entertainment, and it knows it.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “House of Wax”

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Getaway”

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Poseidon”

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Author: Rob Vaux

Michael Madsen? Michelle Rodriguez? ‘I’ll take “Actors Who Should Never Appear in Period Pieces” for $500, Alex.’

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

God help us, there’s going to be a director’s cut, isn’t there?

My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven’t seen it since.

Not even Ian McKellan can bring it to life… and when Ian McKellan throws in the towel, you know the difficulties are too large to fix.

Whew! That was close: something almost happened there for a minute.

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

You say ‘psychotic codependency’ like it’s a bad thing.

It's flawless in its flaws, without a single redeeming element to obscure its idealized awfulness.

Stop for a moment and ponder just how stupid it is to blow the ending of your movie in the title.

At least it’s not in 3D.

This film sucks on a level I can scarcely describe.

Yeah Johnny, it’s got a Hemi. Too bad the rest of your movie is such a broken-down lemon.

By trying to convince us that we’re having a good time even as it pounds us senseless, Speed Racer moves beyond mediocrity and into the realm of active irritant.

You’ll have more fun setting fire to yourself in the parking lot. You’ll be more entertained getting hit by a bus.

You can actually hear the writers pulling ideas out of their butts and flinging them willy-nilly at the screen.

I suppose this is what we get for encouraging the man.

As a routine thriller Firewall is barely functional, but as a waste of talent, it’s positively amazing.

House of Wax is cheap, dirty entertainment, and it knows it.

It's a car movie made by people who couldn't find reverse in a Volkswagen; a puzzle box thriller assembled by the functionally insane.

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?