Author Rob Vaux | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Rob Vaux

Michael Madsen? Michelle Rodriguez? ‘I’ll take “Actors Who Should Never Appear in Period Pieces” for $500, Alex.’

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Bloodrayne”

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Annapolis”

You could do worse… by which I mean you couldn't possibly do worse.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Hercules”

This film sucks on a level I can scarcely describe.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance”

I suppose certain college fraternities could make screening it part of their hazing rituals.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Caligula”

That isn’t brimstone we’re smelling on Ghost Rider. It’s something else.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ghost Rider”

A tedious, astonishingly irritating march through scene after scene of quasi-Jungian horse flop.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Lady in the Water”

Memoirs of a Geisha builds a beautiful garden, then runs an interstate through it to let more people in.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Memoirs of a Geisha”

While Babylon A.D. isn’t the worst big-budget sci-fi film ever made, it comes near enough to merit avoiding at all costs.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Babylon A.D.”

Fool! Dost thou not know that creepy children have cursed our screens in numbers too great to count, and by now, we find them marginally less terrifying than navel lint?

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Reaping”

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Miscellaneous “Jack the Giant Slayer”

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Shark Tale”

By trying to convince us that we’re having a good time even as it pounds us senseless, Speed Racer moves beyond mediocrity and into the realm of active irritant.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Speed Racer”

You say ‘psychotic codependency’ like it’s a bad thing.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Crazy Love”

At least it’s not in 3D.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Hangover Part II”

You’ll have more fun setting fire to yourself in the parking lot. You’ll be more entertained getting hit by a bus.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever”

If you hear the phrase "Italian caveman epic" and your heart doesn't sing at least a little bit, then I pity your sad and joyless existence.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Yor the Hunter from the Future”

No, Cameron! Not another musical interlude! Please, I’ll be good!

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Elizabethtown”

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Poseidon”

House of Wax is cheap, dirty entertainment, and it knows it.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “House of Wax”

Only someone so smart could make a movie this stupid.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “My Soul to Take” Writer/director Wes Craven

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Author: Rob Vaux

Michael Madsen? Michelle Rodriguez? ‘I’ll take “Actors Who Should Never Appear in Period Pieces” for $500, Alex.’

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

You could do worse… by which I mean you couldn't possibly do worse.

This film sucks on a level I can scarcely describe.

I suppose certain college fraternities could make screening it part of their hazing rituals.

That isn’t brimstone we’re smelling on Ghost Rider. It’s something else.

A tedious, astonishingly irritating march through scene after scene of quasi-Jungian horse flop.

Memoirs of a Geisha builds a beautiful garden, then runs an interstate through it to let more people in.

While Babylon A.D. isn’t the worst big-budget sci-fi film ever made, it comes near enough to merit avoiding at all costs.

Fool! Dost thou not know that creepy children have cursed our screens in numbers too great to count, and by now, we find them marginally less terrifying than navel lint?

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

By trying to convince us that we’re having a good time even as it pounds us senseless, Speed Racer moves beyond mediocrity and into the realm of active irritant.

You say ‘psychotic codependency’ like it’s a bad thing.

At least it’s not in 3D.

You’ll have more fun setting fire to yourself in the parking lot. You’ll be more entertained getting hit by a bus.

If you hear the phrase "Italian caveman epic" and your heart doesn't sing at least a little bit, then I pity your sad and joyless existence.

No, Cameron! Not another musical interlude! Please, I’ll be good!

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?

House of Wax is cheap, dirty entertainment, and it knows it.

Only someone so smart could make a movie this stupid.