Author Rob Vaux | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Rob Vaux Page 2

Memoirs of a Geisha builds a beautiful garden, then runs an interstate through it to let more people in.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Memoirs of a Geisha”

That isn’t brimstone we’re smelling on Ghost Rider. It’s something else.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ghost Rider”

Yeah Johnny, it’s got a Hemi. Too bad the rest of your movie is such a broken-down lemon.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer”

Progressing from nowhere to nothing and leaving only a greasy taste in the mouth as a reward.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Conan the Barbarian”

Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Miscellaneous “After Earth”

Stop for a moment and ponder just how stupid it is to blow the ending of your movie in the title.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn”

You can actually hear the writers pulling ideas out of their butts and flinging them willy-nilly at the screen.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian”

Only someone so smart could make a movie this stupid.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “My Soul to Take” Writer/director Wes Craven

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Annapolis”

This couple has endured for over 900 years; the least Tristan & Isolde can do is show us a reason why.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Tristan & Isolde”

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Shark Tale”

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Poseidon”

Not even Ian McKellan can bring it to life… and when Ian McKellan throws in the towel, you know the difficulties are too large to fix.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism The Da Vinci Code

Fool! Dost thou not know that creepy children have cursed our screens in numbers too great to count, and by now, we find them marginally less terrifying than navel lint?

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Reaping”

At least it’s not in 3D.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Hangover Part II”

I’d give real money to see the perpetrators of Chicago torn apart by dingoes.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism Chicago

Robbing casinos? Shit, these guys should be in charge of Katrina relief!

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Ocean’s Thirteen”

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Miscellaneous “Jack the Giant Slayer”

Dragging your boyfriend/husband to this movie will give him the leverage to demand multiple screenings of Jerry Bruckheimer films as penance. Ladies, you have been warned.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “Must Love Dogs”

Rarely has the phrase "going through the motions" felt more fitting.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Miscellaneous “R.I.P.D.”

Sun Tzu believed that becoming predictable would lead to disaster. Apparently, the creators of The Art of War couldn’t be bothered to take him to heart.

Rob Vaux

writer, editor & film reviewer

Reviews/Criticism “The Art of War“

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Author: Rob Vaux Page 2

Memoirs of a Geisha builds a beautiful garden, then runs an interstate through it to let more people in.

That isn’t brimstone we’re smelling on Ghost Rider. It’s something else.

Yeah Johnny, it’s got a Hemi. Too bad the rest of your movie is such a broken-down lemon.

Progressing from nowhere to nothing and leaving only a greasy taste in the mouth as a reward.

Though a scant 100 minutes long, After Earth feels longer and slower than your average PBS pledge drive.

Stop for a moment and ponder just how stupid it is to blow the ending of your movie in the title.

You can actually hear the writers pulling ideas out of their butts and flinging them willy-nilly at the screen.

Only someone so smart could make a movie this stupid.

Real-life military trainers – regardless of gender – never make you say, ‘Wow you’re hot!’ They make you say, ‘I’ll do whatever you want, please don’t hurt me.’

This couple has endured for over 900 years; the least Tristan & Isolde can do is show us a reason why.

Psst! DreamWorks! Your Nemo envy is showing!

Is this what we’ve been reduced to? A film whose noise and explosions are separated from the season’s other noise and explosions solely by the fact that they’re painted blue?

Not even Ian McKellan can bring it to life… and when Ian McKellan throws in the towel, you know the difficulties are too large to fix.

Fool! Dost thou not know that creepy children have cursed our screens in numbers too great to count, and by now, we find them marginally less terrifying than navel lint?

At least it’s not in 3D.

I’d give real money to see the perpetrators of Chicago torn apart by dingoes.

Robbing casinos? Shit, these guys should be in charge of Katrina relief!

Fee. Fi. Fo. Meh.

Dragging your boyfriend/husband to this movie will give him the leverage to demand multiple screenings of Jerry Bruckheimer films as penance. Ladies, you have been warned.

Rarely has the phrase "going through the motions" felt more fitting.

Sun Tzu believed that becoming predictable would lead to disaster. Apparently, the creators of The Art of War couldn’t be bothered to take him to heart.