Author: Robert Benchley

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Age Health Old Young

The only cure for a real hangover is death.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Death Food/Drink Health

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Communication Language Speech

[Katherine Hepburn] is not a great actress, but one with a certain distinction which, with training, might possibly take the place of great acting in an emergency.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Acting Entertainment

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with it's just compounding the felony.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink Fools Intelligence

Streets full of water. Please Advise.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Situations

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Communication Fools Intelligence

For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
America Places

Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, knowing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Communication Conflict Speech

The pencil sharpener is about as far as I have ever got in operating a complicated piece of machinery with any success.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Things

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Communication Reading/Writing Success

We tried it twice and it worked both times.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Sex

I must get out of these wet clothes and into a dry Martini.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that a child cannot do much harm one way or another.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Animals Children Dogs People

We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Activities Past People Time

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Intelligence

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Communication Money Reading/Writing

Friend: That drink is slow poison.

Benchley’s reply: So who’s in a hurry?

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Alcohol Food/Drink

Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Conflict Killing Men People Women

There are two kinds of people in the world, those who believe there are two kinds of people in the world and those who don't.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Beliefs People

In America there are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist
Activities America Places Travel