Author: Rod Schmidt

If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?


People Places

I bought a million lottery tickets… I won a dollar.


Activities Money

Ever try to Scotchgard a sponge?


Situations

Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.


God

I washed a sock… then I put it in the dryer and when I took it out, it was gone.


Situations

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.


Activities Things

My friend Sam has one leg… I went to his house; I couldn't go up the stairs.


Situations

I Xeroxed a mirror and now I have an extra Xerox machine.


Things

I had my coathangers spayed.


Things

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers… and he hates New York.


New York City Places Things

I had amnesia… once or twice.


Health Memory

I went to a fancy French restaurant called “Deja Vu”, and the headwaiter said, “Don’t I know you?”


Situations

I went to San Francisco; I found someone's heart.


America Places

I Xeroxed my watch… now I have time to spare.


Things Time

It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.


God

I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.


Appearance Clothing

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.


Animals Things

There aren't enough days in the weekend.


Time

If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're
 Shakespeare?


Communication Reading/Writing

I took a course in speed waiting… now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.


Learning Time

I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them… now I can ride a unicycle.


Activities