Author: Rod Schmidt

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?


People

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.


Animals Things

Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.


Activities Things

In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.


Education School

I Xeroxed my watch… now I have time to spare.


Things Time

If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?


People Places

I wear my heart on my sleeve… I wear my liver on my pant leg.


Appearance Body Characteristics Emotions Situations

The sign said "eight items or less”… so I changed my name to Les.


People Self Situations

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?


Emotions Situations

I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell… except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.


Health

Ever try to Scotchgard a sponge?


Situations

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers… and he hates New York.


New York City Places Things

I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out.


Eating Food/Drink

I went to San Francisco; I found someone's heart.


America Places

If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?


Communication Language Things

I bought a million lottery tickets… I won a dollar.


Activities Money

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.


Animals Appearance

I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.


Appearance Clothing

I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them… now I can ride a unicycle.


Activities

My friend Sam has one leg… I went to his house; I couldn't go up the stairs.


Situations

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?


Communication Reading/Writing