Author: Rod Schmidt Page 2

I bought a million lottery tickets… I won a dollar.


Activities Money

I Xeroxed a mirror and now I have an extra Xerox machine.


Things

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?


Appearance Body Fat Sports

My friend Sam has one leg… I went to his house; I couldn't go up the stairs.


Situations

I Xeroxed my watch and now I can give away free watches.


Things

I had my coathangers spayed.


Things

Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.


God

I went to San Francisco; I found someone's heart.


America Places

If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're
 Shakespeare?


Communication Reading/Writing

I know the guy who writes all those bumper stickers… and he hates New York.


New York City Places Things

If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?


People Places

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.


Animals Things

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


Activities Communication Language Shopping

Is "tired old cliche" one?


Communication Language

The sign said "eight items or less”… so I changed my name to Les.


People Self Situations

I took a course in speed waiting… now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.


Learning Time