Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Rod Schmidt Page 2
Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.
Rod Schmidt
Animals
Appearance
Haircuts
Horses
My friend Sam has one leg… I went to his house; I couldn't go up the stairs.
Rod Schmidt
Situations
House
Legs
Stairs
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Rod Schmidt
Emotions
Situations
Forests
Jokes
If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're Shakespeare?
Rod Schmidt
Communication
Reading/Writing
Million times
Monkey
Shakespeare
If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?
Rod Schmidt
People
Places
Directions
Orientals
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
Rod Schmidt
Communication
Language
Things
Fan
Wave
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
Rod Schmidt
People
Searchlight bulb
A metaphor is like a simile.
Rod Schmidt
Communication
Language
In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.
Rod Schmidt
Education
School
Sentences
Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.
Rod Schmidt
Animals
Things
Mirrors
Snakes
Tinsel
I went to a fancy French restaurant called “Deja Vu”, and the headwaiter said, “Don’t I know you?”
Rod Schmidt
Situations
Deja vu
French restaurant
Headwaiter
I went to San Francisco; I found someone's heart.
Rod Schmidt
America
Places
Heart
San Francisco
Ever try to Scotchgard a sponge?
Rod Schmidt
Situations
Scotchgard
Sponges
I was born by Caesarean section, but you really can't tell… except that when I leave my house, I always go out the window.
Rod Schmidt
Health
Birth
Caesarean section
Window
I Xeroxed a mirror and now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Rod Schmidt
Things
Mirror
Xerox machine
I Xeroxed my watch and now I can give away free watches.
Rod Schmidt
Things
Watches
Xerox
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