Author: Rod Schmidt Page 2

I wear my heart on my sleeve… I wear my liver on my pant leg.


It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.


I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're
 Shakespeare?


I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them… now I can ride a unicycle.


There aren't enough days in the weekend.


In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.


The sky is falling… no, I'm tipping over backwards.


Ever try to Scotchgard a sponge?


If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?


I washed a sock… then I put it in the dryer and when I took it out, it was gone.


If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?


Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.


I Xeroxed my watch and now I can give away free watches.


I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.


I Xeroxed a mirror and now I have an extra Xerox machine.