Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Rod Schmidt Page 2
I washed a sock… then I put it in the dryer and when I took it out, it was gone.
Rod Schmidt
Situations
Dryers
Socks
I Xeroxed a mirror and now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Rod Schmidt
Things
Mirror
Xerox machine
A metaphor is like a simile.
Rod Schmidt
Communication
Language
I Xeroxed my watch… now I have time to spare.
Rod Schmidt
Things
Time
Watch
Xerox
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
Rod Schmidt
Emotions
Situations
Forests
Jokes
I Xeroxed my watch and now I can give away free watches.
Rod Schmidt
Things
Watches
Xerox
Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.
Rod Schmidt
Animals
Appearance
Haircuts
Horses
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
Rod Schmidt
Communication
Reading/Writing
Monkeys
Shakespeare
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”
Rod Schmidt
Activities
Communication
Language
Shopping
7-11
The sign said "eight items or less”… so I changed my name to Les.
Rod Schmidt
People
Self
Situations
I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.
Rod Schmidt
Appearance
Clothing
Edible underwear
Wash
I went to San Francisco; I found someone's heart.
Rod Schmidt
America
Places
Heart
San Francisco
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
Rod Schmidt
People
Searchlight bulb
Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.
Rod Schmidt
God
Drought
Water
In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.
Rod Schmidt
Education
School
Sentences
If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're Shakespeare?
Rod Schmidt
Communication
Reading/Writing
Million times
Monkey
Shakespeare
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