Author: Rod Schmidt Page 2

I took a course in speed waiting… now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.


Learning Time

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?


Emotions Situations

I bought a million lottery tickets… I won a dollar.


Activities Money

How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?


People

I wear my heart on my sleeve… I wear my liver on my pant leg.


Appearance Body Characteristics Emotions Situations

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


Activities Communication Language Shopping

I had amnesia… once or twice.


Health Memory

I went to a fancy French restaurant called “Deja Vu”, and the headwaiter said, “Don’t I know you?”


Situations

Droughts are because God didn’t pay his water bill.


God

A metaphor is like a simile.


Communication Language

In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.


Education School

The sign said "eight items or less”… so I changed my name to Les.


People Self Situations

Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.


Animals Appearance

There aren't enough days in the weekend.


Time

I Xeroxed my watch… now I have time to spare.


Things Time

I eat Swiss cheese from the inside out.


Eating Food/Drink