Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Rod Schmidt Page 2
I wear my heart on my sleeve… I wear my liver on my pant leg.
Rod Schmidt
Appearance
Body
Characteristics
Emotions
Situations
It only rains straight down… God doesn't do windows.
Rod Schmidt
God
Rain
Windows
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”
Rod Schmidt
Activities
Communication
Language
Shopping
7-11
If you write the word "monkey" a million times, do you start to think you're Shakespeare?
Rod Schmidt
Communication
Reading/Writing
Million times
Monkey
Shakespeare
I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them… now I can ride a unicycle.
Rod Schmidt
Activities
Bicycles
There aren't enough days in the weekend.
Rod Schmidt
Time
Days
Weekend
In school, every period ends with a bell… every sentence ends with a period… every crime ends with a sentence.
Rod Schmidt
Education
School
Sentences
The sky is falling… no, I'm tipping over backwards.
Rod Schmidt
Science/Weather
Situations
Backwards
Sky is falling
Ever try to Scotchgard a sponge?
Rod Schmidt
Situations
Scotchgard
Sponges
If you take a oriental and turn him around so he faces west, does he become disoriented?
Rod Schmidt
People
Places
Directions
Orientals
I washed a sock… then I put it in the dryer and when I took it out, it was gone.
Rod Schmidt
Situations
Dryers
Socks
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
Rod Schmidt
Communication
Language
Things
Fan
Wave
Horses just naturally have Mohawk haircuts.
Rod Schmidt
Animals
Appearance
Haircuts
Horses
I Xeroxed my watch and now I can give away free watches.
Rod Schmidt
Things
Watches
Xerox
I washed my edible underwear and now they're gone.
Rod Schmidt
Appearance
Clothing
Edible underwear
Wash
I Xeroxed a mirror and now I have an extra Xerox machine.
Rod Schmidt
Things
Mirror
Xerox machine
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