Author Roger Ebert | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Roger Ebert Page 2

It's the worst kind of bad film: the kind that gets you all worked up and then lets you down, instead of just being lousy from the first shot.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Snake eyes

The movie has been signed by Michael Bay. This is the same man who directed The Rock in 1996. Now he has made Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Faust made a better deal.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen”

I will one day be thin… but Vincent Gallo will always be the director of The Brown Bunny.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Brown Bunny”

I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Seven Days In Utopia”

To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Village”

Add it all up, and what you’ve got here is a waste of good electricity. I’m not talking about the electricity between the actors. I’m talking about the current to the projector.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Review of “One Woman or Two”

Parents: If you encounter teenagers who say they liked this movie, do not let them date your children.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Resident Evil: Apocalypse”

The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Last Airbender”

You know you’re in trouble when you’re reduced to praising a movie for its absence of fart jokes, and have to add ‘almost.’

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Saving Silverman”

Only enormously talented people could have made Death to Smoochy. Those with lesser gifts would have lacked the nerve to make a film so bad, so miscalculated, so lacking any connection with any possible audience.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Death to Smoochy”

Since the scenes where they're together are so much less convincing than the ones where they fall apart, watching the movie is like being on a double-date from hell.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Break-Up”

Caligula is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Caligula”

Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism From “Mad Dog Time” review

I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “ Bucket List”

This is an old idea, beautifully expressed by Wordsworth, who said, ‘Heaven lies about us in our infancy.’ If I could quote the whole poem instead of completing this review, believe me, we’d all be happier. But I press on.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Baby Geniuses”

The movie is an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense, and the human desire to be entertained. No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Of “Armageddon”

The best thing about it is that it runs for only 75 minutes.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Deuce Bigalow”

Wild Wild West is a comedy dead zone. You stare in disbelief as scenes flop and die. The movie is all concept and no content; the elaborate special effects are like watching money burn on the screen…

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Wild Wild West”

You used to be able to depend on a bad film being poorly made. No longer. The Punisher: War Zone [sic] is one of the best-made bad movies I’ve seen… Its only flaw is that it’s disgusting.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Review of “Punisher: War Zone”

Boat Trip arrives preceded by publicity saying many homosexuals have been outraged by the film. Now that it's in theaters, everybody else has a chance to join them. Not that the film is outrageous. That would be asking too much. It is dim-witted, unfunny, too shallow to be offensive…

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Boat Trip”

The movie is being revived around the country for midnight cult showings. Midnight is not late enough.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Beyond”

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Author: Roger Ebert Page 2

It's the worst kind of bad film: the kind that gets you all worked up and then lets you down, instead of just being lousy from the first shot.

The movie has been signed by Michael Bay. This is the same man who directed The Rock in 1996. Now he has made Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. Faust made a better deal.

I will one day be thin… but Vincent Gallo will always be the director of The Brown Bunny.

I would rather eat a golf ball than see this movie again.

To call it an anticlimax would be an insult not only to climaxes but to prefixes.

Add it all up, and what you’ve got here is a waste of good electricity. I’m not talking about the electricity between the actors. I’m talking about the current to the projector.

Parents: If you encounter teenagers who say they liked this movie, do not let them date your children.

The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.

You know you’re in trouble when you’re reduced to praising a movie for its absence of fart jokes, and have to add ‘almost.’

Only enormously talented people could have made Death to Smoochy. Those with lesser gifts would have lacked the nerve to make a film so bad, so miscalculated, so lacking any connection with any possible audience.

Since the scenes where they're together are so much less convincing than the ones where they fall apart, watching the movie is like being on a double-date from hell.

Caligula is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful.

Watching Mad Dog Time is like waiting for the bus in a city where you're not sure they have a bus line.

I urgently advise hospitals: Do not make the DVD available to your patients; there may be an outbreak of bedpans thrown at TV screens.

This is an old idea, beautifully expressed by Wordsworth, who said, ‘Heaven lies about us in our infancy.’ If I could quote the whole poem instead of completing this review, believe me, we’d all be happier. But I press on.

The movie is an assault on the eyes, the ears, the brain, common sense, and the human desire to be entertained. No matter what they're charging to get in, it's worth more to get out.

The best thing about it is that it runs for only 75 minutes.

Wild Wild West is a comedy dead zone. You stare in disbelief as scenes flop and die. The movie is all concept and no content; the elaborate special effects are like watching money burn on the screen…

You used to be able to depend on a bad film being poorly made. No longer. The Punisher: War Zone [sic] is one of the best-made bad movies I’ve seen… Its only flaw is that it’s disgusting.

Boat Trip arrives preceded by publicity saying many homosexuals have been outraged by the film. Now that it's in theaters, everybody else has a chance to join them. Not that the film is outrageous. That would be asking too much. It is dim-witted, unfunny, too shallow to be offensive…

The movie is being revived around the country for midnight cult showings. Midnight is not late enough.