Author Roger Ebert | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Roger Ebert Page 2

It's the worst kind of bad film: the kind that gets you all worked up and then lets you down, instead of just being lousy from the first shot.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Snake eyes

Pearl Harbor is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours…

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Pearl Harbor

Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Mad Dog Time”

Perhaps it was made by beings from another planet, who were able to watch our television in order to absorb key concepts such as cars, sex, leukemia, and casinos, but formed an imperfect view of how to fit them together.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Breaking the Rules”

The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Last Airbender”

John Waters’ Pink Flamingos has been restored for its 25th anniversary revival, and with any luck at all that means I won’t have to see it again for another 25 years. If I haven’t retired by then, I will.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Pink Flamingos”

Young men: If you attend this crap with friends who admire it, tactfully inform them they are idiots. Young women: If your date likes this movie, tell him you’ve been thinking it over, and you think you should consider spending some time apart.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Battle: Los Angeles”

To call A Lot Like Love dead in the water is an insult to water.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “A Lot Like Love”

I've seen audits that were more thrilling.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Crocodile Dundee In Los Angeles”

You used to be able to depend on a bad film being poorly made. No longer. The Punisher: War Zone [sic] is one of the best-made bad movies I’ve seen… Its only flaw is that it’s disgusting.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Review of “Punisher: War Zone”

Last year, I reviewed a nine-hour documentary about the lives of Mongolian yak herdsmen, and I would rather see it again than sit through The Frighteners.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Frighteners”

Add it all up, and what you’ve got here is a waste of good electricity. I’m not talking about the electricity between the actors. I’m talking about the current to the projector.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Review of “One Woman or Two”

They say state-of-the-art special effects can create the illusion of anything on the screen, and now we have proof: It's possible for the Jim Henson folks and Industrial Light and Magic to put their heads together and come up with the most repulsive single creature in the history of special effects, and I am not forgetting the Chucky doll…

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Review of “Jack Frost”

You know you’re in trouble when you’re reduced to praising a movie for its absence of fart jokes, and have to add ‘almost.’

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Saving Silverman”

Since the scenes where they're together are so much less convincing than the ones where they fall apart, watching the movie is like being on a double-date from hell.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Break-Up”

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo makes a living cleaning fish tanks and occasionally prostituting himself. How much he charges I'm not sure, but the price is worth it if it keeps him off the streets and out of another movie.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”

This is an old idea, beautifully expressed by Wordsworth, who said, ‘Heaven lies about us in our infancy.’ If I could quote the whole poem instead of completing this review, believe me, we’d all be happier. But I press on.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Baby Geniuses”

Caligula is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Caligula”

I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “The Brown Bunny”

Spice World is obviously intended as a ripoff of A Hard Day's Night which gave The Beatles to the movies… the huge difference, of course, is that the Beatles were talented — while, let's face it, the Spice Girls could be duplicated by any five women under the age of 30 standing in line at Dunkin' Donuts.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism “Spice World”

Valentine's Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.

Roger Ebert

(1942 – 2013) American film critic, journalist & screenwriter

Reviews/Criticism Valentine's Day

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Author: Roger Ebert Page 2

It's the worst kind of bad film: the kind that gets you all worked up and then lets you down, instead of just being lousy from the first shot.

Pearl Harbor is a two-hour movie squeezed into three hours…

Mad Dog Time is the first movie I have seen that does not improve on the sight of a blank screen viewed for the same length of time.

Perhaps it was made by beings from another planet, who were able to watch our television in order to absorb key concepts such as cars, sex, leukemia, and casinos, but formed an imperfect view of how to fit them together.

The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.

John Waters’ Pink Flamingos has been restored for its 25th anniversary revival, and with any luck at all that means I won’t have to see it again for another 25 years. If I haven’t retired by then, I will.

Young men: If you attend this crap with friends who admire it, tactfully inform them they are idiots. Young women: If your date likes this movie, tell him you’ve been thinking it over, and you think you should consider spending some time apart.

To call A Lot Like Love dead in the water is an insult to water.

I've seen audits that were more thrilling.

You used to be able to depend on a bad film being poorly made. No longer. The Punisher: War Zone [sic] is one of the best-made bad movies I’ve seen… Its only flaw is that it’s disgusting.

Last year, I reviewed a nine-hour documentary about the lives of Mongolian yak herdsmen, and I would rather see it again than sit through The Frighteners.

Add it all up, and what you’ve got here is a waste of good electricity. I’m not talking about the electricity between the actors. I’m talking about the current to the projector.

You know you’re in trouble when you’re reduced to praising a movie for its absence of fart jokes, and have to add ‘almost.’

Since the scenes where they're together are so much less convincing than the ones where they fall apart, watching the movie is like being on a double-date from hell.

Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo makes a living cleaning fish tanks and occasionally prostituting himself. How much he charges I'm not sure, but the price is worth it if it keeps him off the streets and out of another movie.

This is an old idea, beautifully expressed by Wordsworth, who said, ‘Heaven lies about us in our infancy.’ If I could quote the whole poem instead of completing this review, believe me, we’d all be happier. But I press on.

Caligula is sickening, utterly worthless, shameful trash. If it is not the worst film I have ever seen, that makes it all the more shameful.

I had a colonoscopy once, and they let me watch it on TV. It was more entertaining than The Brown Bunny.

Valentine's Day is being marketed as a Date Movie. I think it's more of a First-Date Movie. If your date likes it, do not date that person again. And if you like it, there may not be a second date.