Author: Rowan Atkinson

But they have one great redeeming feature: their wallets! More capacious than an elephant’s scrotum, and just as difficult to get your hands on!

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Blackadder: You’re fired.
Baldrick: But I’ve been in your family since 1532!
Blackadder: So has syphilis, now get out.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

George: Oh, sir, just one thing – if we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?

Blackadder: Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Or what, you port-brained twerp?! I’ve looked after you all my life! Even when we were babies, I had to show you which bit of your mother was serving the drinks!

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Just do it Baldrick, or I shall further enoble you by knighting you very clumsily with this meat cleaver.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

I find his films about as funny as getting an arrow through the neck and discovering there's a gas bill tied to it.

(1955 – ) English actor
Entertainment Film

This is a crisis, a large crisis. In fact… it’s a twelve-story crisis with a magnificent entrance hall, carpeted throughout; twenty-four hour porterage and an enormous sign on the roof saying ‘This is a Large Crisis.’

(1955 – ) English actor
Problems TV/Movie Quotes

That would be as hard as finding a piece of hay in an incredibly large stack of needles.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you up into strips and telling the prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

[about the dictionary] It’s the most pointless book since “How to Learn French”… was translated into French.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Baldrick: I have a cunning plan to solve the problem.
Blackadder: Yes Baldrick. Let us not forget you tried to solve the problem of your mother’s low ceiling by cutting off her head.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Baldrick, you wouldn’t see a subtle plan if it painted itself purple and danced naked on top of a harpsichord, singing “Subtle Plans are Here Again!”

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Which reminds me of the time an Englishman, Irishman, Scotsman, a Vicar, a Rabbi and a Priest all go into a bar and the barman looks up and says ‘Is this a joke?’

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Your head is as empty as a hermit's address book.

(1955 – ) English actor
Intelligence Stupidity

Am I jumping the gun Baldrick, or are the words ‘I have a cunning plan’ marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

This place stinks like a pair of armored trousers after the Hundred Years War.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

The path of my life is strewn with cowpats from the devil’s own satanic herd!

(1955 – ) English actor
Life Problems TV/Movie Quotes

What on Earth was I drinking last night? My head feels like there's a Frenchman living in it.

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Oh God, bills, bills, bills. … Honestly Baldrick, sometimes I feel like a pelican – whichever way I turn, I’ve still got an enormous bill in front of me.

(1955 – ) English actor
Money TV/Movie Quotes

If you want something done properly… kill Baldrick before you start…

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes

Uggh, the devil farts in my face once again…

(1955 – ) English actor
TV/Movie Quotes