Author: Russell Baker

I gave up on new poetry myself thirty years ago, when most of it began to read like coded messages passing between lonely aliens on a hostile world.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Communication Reading/Writing

Inanimate objects are scientifically classified into three major categories – those that don’t work, those that break down and those that get lost.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Murphy’s Laws Things

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Emotions Life Problems Success

Don't try to make children grow up to be like you, or they may do it.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Age Children People

The worst thing about being a tourist is having other tourists recognize you as a tourist.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Activities People Travel

It seems to be a law in American life that whatever enriches us anywhere except in the wallet inevitably becomes uneconomic.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Education Entertainment Money

Americans like fat books and thin women.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Appearance Body Books Communication People Reading/Writing Women

In America nothing dies easier than tradition.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
America Death Places

Happiness is a small and unworthy goal for something as big and fancy as a whole lifetime, and should be taken in small doses.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Emotions Happiness

Can’t anything be done about calling these guys student athletes? … That’s like referring to Attila the Hun’s cavalry as “weekend warriors.”

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Education People School Sports

Misery no longer loves company; nowadays it insists on it.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Characteristics Emotions

A solved problem creates two new problems, and the best prescription for happy living is not to solve any more problems than you have to.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Life Problems

Is fuel efficiency really what we need most desperately; I say that what we really need is a car that can be shot when it breaks down.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Autos Things

The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
People Things

New York is the only city in the world where you can get deliberately run down on the sidewalk by a pedestrian.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Accidents New York City People Places Problems

People who say you're just as old as you feel are all wrong, fortunately.

(1925 – ) columnist & journalist
Age Health People