Author: Sarah Silverman

I can’t wait till Sunday, I’m gonna see my favorite niece and my other niece.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family

I understand that the doctor had to spank me when I was born, but I really don’t see any reason he had to call me a whore.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Situations

So, I’m licking jelly off my boyfriend… and all of a sudden I’m thinking… oh, my God, I’m turning into my mother.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Family Mothers Sex Situations

I don’t care if you think I’m racist… I just want you to think I’m thin.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Appearance Body

My sister was with two men in one night… she could hardly walk after that; can you imagine – two dinners!

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Relationships Situations

The Holocaust would never have happened if black people lived in Germany in the 1930s and 40s… well, it wouldn’t have happened to Jews.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
People

The Bedwetter

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Book Titles

I’m so frightened of disease that it’s to the point I won’t have sex with someone… unless they say… you know… “Okay.”

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Health Sex

[Donald Trump] misses the sexist past; he hates that he was Person of the Year and not Man of the Year.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Insults

I learned whether you are gay, bisexual, it doesn’t matter, you know… because, at the end of the day, they’re both gross.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
People Sex

This is not the first time that Europe has been passive while a Jew-hating tyrant with a weird looking mustache killed the people by giving them gas… obviously I'm talking about Chef Boyardee.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Government People

I was raped by a doctor … which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
People Self

My kitchen floor is sticky, and I had to do something about it.. so finally I went out and bought some slippers.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Activities Housework

I don’t want to be labeled as gay or straight. I just want people to see me… as white.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
People

I didn’t lose my virginity until I was twenty-six… nineteen vaginally, but twenty-six what my boyfriend calls “the real way.”

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Sex

The Bedwetter: Stories of Courage, Redemption, and Pee

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
Book Titles