Author Simon Helberg | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Simon Helberg

I need to make as much as my wife so I don’t have to try so hard in bed.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

May I say Penny, not a lot of women could look as hot as you do with such greasy hair.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Appearance TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Bernadette: It didn’t help that you couldn’t walk a straight line when the cop pulled you over.
Howard: I have performance anxiety. You of all people should know that.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Time TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Howard: She should quiet down soon. I gave her enough pain meds to choke a … well, her.
Leonard: And that didn’t bother you?
Howard: Au contraire. It meant that she was gullible and open to a little probing.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Sheldon: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?
Howard: I say, “Hey Ma, what’s for dinner?”

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory” Of a video game

Howard: Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Howard: So there is a number.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

The littlest things can set women off – like, “Hey, the waitress is hot! I bet we could get her to come home with us.” Or, “How much does your mom weigh? I want to know what I’m getting into.”

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

People TV/Movie Quotes Women As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

{Noticing Raj peeking through someone’s window using the telescope] Oh, Raj, no. Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet and filling it with pictures of naked women, so we don’t have to peep through windows.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Howard: The doctor says you’ve got to get exercise.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I get plenty of exercise.
Howard: Crushing my will to live isn’t exercise!

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Activities TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory” Exercise

Raj: Do you believe you’re going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?
Howard: Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory” Jews

Sheldon: Amy ruined Raiders of the Lost Ark for me, so I’m trying to find something beloved of hers and ruin that.
Howard: Because her life wasn’t enough?

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Howard: See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day, you’ll have good luck.
Penny: No, you won’t.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Normally, I’m not turned on by big teeth, but on you they work.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Appearance TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Penny: Okay, help me out here. How does an archaeology professor get that good with a whip?
Howard: Maybe he took a class at the adult bookstore. That’s how I learned.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory” Of Indiana Jones

Love is not a sprint, it’s a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms… or hits you with the pepper spray.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Love TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

How do I know what you said? Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Appearance TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory” Breasts

Penny: Howard, cow tipping – real or not?
Howard: I’m going to say not. That’s just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she’s snoring.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Bernadette: Why can’t he take your mom? You took her to your prom.
Howard: I didn’t take her. She was a chaperone.
Bernadette: I saw a picture of you two dancing together.
Howard: Well what was I gonna do? They were playing our song.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Come on, one day this may double in value and be worth half what I paid for it!

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Renaissance fairs aren’t about historical accuracy, they’re about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko’s and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosoms jump out and say “Howdy”.

Simon Helberg

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

TV/Movie Quotes As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory” Renaissance fairs

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

Categories

Additional Categories

Oops...

Some Popular Authors