Author: Steve Connelly

I took a physics course that was so hard I couldn't find the classroom.

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Education School Science/Weather

Power outage at a department store yesterday, twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

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Situations Things

Which of the Himalayas is the shortest?

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Places

I called the Census Bureau to see why they hadn't sent me a form, and they said that I was too nondescript to influence the demographics one way or another.

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Government

Any closet is a walk-in closet if you try hard enough.

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Places

She had a face lift, tummy lift, and buttock lift, and now she's two feet off the ground.

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Appearance Body

The original Mickey Mouse cartoon was in Mouse, with English subtitles.

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Communication Entertainment Language

The doctor says he has to amputate all of me.

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Doctors Health People Self

The only thing houseflies fear more than the Venus fly trap is the hanging plant.

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Animals

A man committed suicide by overdosing on decongestant tablets; all they found was a pile of dust.

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Death

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.

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Eating Food/Drink

It takes money to make money because you have to copy the design exactly.

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Money

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.

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Situations Sleep

For my sister’s 40th birthday, I sent her a singing mammogram.

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Relationships

I bought a portable cable TV.

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Situations Television Things

The museum boasted owning the original version of Beethoven's unfinished basement.

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Entertainment Music Places

Trees that grow in smoggy cities are needed to make carbon paper.

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Science/Weather