Author: Steve Martin Page 2

If you’re studying Geology, which is all facts, as soon as you get out of school you forget it all, but Philosophy you remember just enough to screw you up for the rest of your life.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Education Learning

First the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health Problems

Don't have sex… it leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Communication Conversation Sex

Somewhere in the world is… the world’s worst doctor… and he could be yours.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Doctors Health

You’re like the Ernest Hemingway of bullshit.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Insults

Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Emotions Entertainment Laughter People

I guess I wouldn’t believe in anything anymore if it weren’t for my lucky astrology mood watch.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Beliefs

I like a woman with a head on her shoulders… I hate necks.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Body Communication People Women Wordplay

Writer’s block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Communication Reading/Writing

I opened the show with this line: “I have decided to give the greatest performance of my life! … Oh, wait, sorry, that’s tomorrow night.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Entertainment

I think I did pretty well, considering I started out with nothing but a bunch of blank paper.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Books Communication Reading/Writing Things

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman… it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Entertainment

I know we’ve only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like none weeks and five days.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

I thought yesterday was the first day of the rest of my life but it turns out today is.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Life Time

Yeah… I remember my first beer.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Alcohol Beer Food/Drink

Cruel Shoes

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Book Titles

I believe that Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was… an Arctic region covered with ice.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
America Places

Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Communication Dance Entertainment Music Speech