Author: Terry Pratchett

Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.

(1948 – ) English novelist

A woman always has half an onion left over, no matter what the size of the onion, the dish or the woman.

(1948 – ) English novelist

This isn’t life in the fast lane, it’s life in the oncoming traffic.

(1948 – ) English novelist

The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.

(1948 – ) English novelist

I’ll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there’s evidence of any thinking going on inside it.

(1948 – ) English novelist

For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.

(1948 – ) English novelist

The pen is mightier than the sword if the sword is very short, and the pen is very sharp.

(1948 – ) English novelist

If life was a party, he wasn’t even in the kitchen.

(1948 – ) English novelist

The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel; this is essentially the basis of all military thinking.

(1948 – ) English novelist

He] had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Where's My Cow?

(1948 – ) English novelist

It’s the difference between using a feather and using a chicken.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Build a man a fire, and he’ll be warm for a day; set a man on fire, and he’ll be warm for the rest of his life.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Gods like to see an atheist around… gives them something to aim at.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Only in our dreams are we free; the rest of the time we need wages.

(1948 – ) English novelist

Thud!

(1948 – ) English novelist

Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off.

(1948 – ) English novelist

It’s hard to be famous and alive.

(1948 – ) English novelist

‘Pessimist’ is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is.

(1948 – ) English novelist