Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Theodore Roosevelt
I can be President of the United States, or I can control Alice [his daughter], I cannot possibly do both.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Children
Family
When asked about his wild daughter Alice
McKinley has a chocolate eclair backbone.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Characteristics
Insults
Backbone
On William McKinley
When they call the roll in the Senate, the senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.'
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Congress
Government
Attendance
I could carve out of a banana a judge with more backbone than that.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Insults
Backbone
On Supreme Court Justice Oliver Wendell Holmes
No, I'm not a good shot, but I shoot often.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Activities
Shooting
A man who has never gone to school may steal from a freight car; but if he has a university education he may steal the whole railroad.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Conflict
Crime
Education
A little emasculated mass of inanity.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Insults
About Henry James
Please put out the light.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Last words
Old age is like everything else; to make a success of it, you've got to start young.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Age
Old
Success
Young
I think there is only one quality worse than hardness of heart and that is softness of head.
Theodore Roosevelt
(1858 – 1919) 26th U.S. president
Characteristics
Intelligence
Stupidity
Heart