Author Tina Fey | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Tina Fey

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Characteristics Anxiety

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people… that’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

People Gays Jehovah's Witnesses

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Appearance Beauty

To show that his energy bill is about more than drilling for oil in Alaska. This week President Bush visited a plant in Virginia that turned soy beans into a clean burning diesel fuel; which the president hopes one day will be used to fuel oil drilling machines in Alaska.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” George W. Bush

If convicted [Scooter] Libby could face the following penalties: obstruction of justice: 10 years in prison; making false statements: 5 years; perjury: 4 years; going to jail with the name Scooter: priceless.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Scooter Libby

According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008; Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Hillary Clinton

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Osama bin Laden

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Arms Conflict Guns NRA

Last week, Hurricane Wilma grew into the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic, with sustained winds at 175 miles per hour… or, as it’s called around FEMA, ‘Casual Friday’.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live”

According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years; of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there?

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Miscellaneous As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s popularity has been slipping in recent months as residents slowly begin to realize they elected Arnold Schwarzenegger to be their governor.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes Arnold Schwarzenegger From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live”

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Children Family From 'A Mother's Prayer for Her Child'

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

President Bush and the Indian prime minister agreed Thursday on a landmark nuclear energy agreement in which the U.S. would share its nuclear know-how and fuel with India. And, in exchange, India would take all our jobs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Places TV/Movie Quotes India

If Bush’s [overall approval ratings] don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes George W. Bush

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Emotions Entertainment Laughter Audiences Writers

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Things Photoshop

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Author: Tina Fey

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people… that’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

To show that his energy bill is about more than drilling for oil in Alaska. This week President Bush visited a plant in Virginia that turned soy beans into a clean burning diesel fuel; which the president hopes one day will be used to fuel oil drilling machines in Alaska.

If convicted [Scooter] Libby could face the following penalties: obstruction of justice: 10 years in prison; making false statements: 5 years; perjury: 4 years; going to jail with the name Scooter: priceless.

According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008; Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them.

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

In Washington, officials from the National Rifle Association met with a group of high school students… there were no survivors.

Last week, Hurricane Wilma grew into the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic, with sustained winds at 175 miles per hour… or, as it’s called around FEMA, ‘Casual Friday’.

According to Secret Service logs, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff was at the White House only two times in the past fives years; of course, the real question is: was it the same two times that President Bush was there?

I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic.

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s popularity has been slipping in recent months as residents slowly begin to realize they elected Arnold Schwarzenegger to be their governor.

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

President Bush and the Indian prime minister agreed Thursday on a landmark nuclear energy agreement in which the U.S. would share its nuclear know-how and fuel with India. And, in exchange, India would take all our jobs.

If Bush’s [overall approval ratings] don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.