Author Tina Fey | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: Tina Fey

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” George W. Bush

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Children Family From 'A Mother's Prayer for Her Child'

According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008; Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Hillary Clinton

I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Appearance Clothing TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock”

If Bush’s [overall approval ratings] don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes George W. Bush

Last week, Hurricane Wilma grew into the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic, with sustained winds at 175 miles per hour… or, as it’s called around FEMA, ‘Casual Friday’.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live”

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Appearance Beauty

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Characteristics Anxiety

It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver… Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Acting Entertainment Insults Madonna

Tracy: So what’s your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much do whatever Oprah tells me to do.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes As Liz Lemon in “30 Rock” Oprah

South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state; as a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from ‘Under God, the People Rule’ to ‘You should have thought of that before prom.’

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Things Photoshop

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s popularity has been slipping in recent months as residents slowly begin to realize they elected Arnold Schwarzenegger to be their governor.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes Arnold Schwarzenegger From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live”

Bossypants

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Book Titles

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” Osama bin Laden

Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host a new Fox reality show called Mr. Personality; Lewinsky says this way, when people ask her the most degrading thing she's ever done, she'll have a new answer.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Insults People Monica Lewinsky

To show that his energy bill is about more than drilling for oil in Alaska. This week President Bush visited a plant in Virginia that turned soy beans into a clean burning diesel fuel; which the president hopes one day will be used to fuel oil drilling machines in Alaska.

Tina Fey

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

TV/Movie Quotes From Weekend Update on “Saturday Night Live” George W. Bush

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Author: Tina Fey

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

A Senate committee on Thursday approved a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage, apparently forgetting that our forefathers wore wigs and satin Capri pants.

U2 lead singer Bono met with President Bush at the White House this week. Bono urged the president to help the world’s poor; Bush urged Bono to get back with Cher.

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

According to a new poll, Democrats are favoring Hillary Clinton for the Democratic presidential nominee for 2008; Democrats say they are looking for a fresh and exciting new way to get their asses handed to them.

I haven’t seen this many white people in tuxedos since the Titanic.

Jack: We are lovers.
Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

Kenneth: Your landlord called and he says it's not the toilet, it's you.
Liz: That's his opinion.

If Bush’s [overall approval ratings] don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.

Last week, Hurricane Wilma grew into the strongest storm ever recorded in the Atlantic, with sustained winds at 175 miles per hour… or, as it’s called around FEMA, ‘Casual Friday’.

If you retain nothing else, always remember the most important rule of beauty, which is: who cares?

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

It was reported that Guy Ritchie has cast his wife Madonna in a small walk-on role in his new movie, Revolver… Madonna will play the part of the woman who ruins the film.

Tracy: So what’s your religion, Liz Lemon?
Liz: I pretty much do whatever Oprah tells me to do.

South Dakota Gov. Mike Rounds on Monday signed legislation banning almost all abortions in the state; as a result, South Dakota is changing its motto from ‘Under God, the People Rule’ to ‘You should have thought of that before prom.’

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger’s popularity has been slipping in recent months as residents slowly begin to realize they elected Arnold Schwarzenegger to be their governor.

Bossypants

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host a new Fox reality show called Mr. Personality; Lewinsky says this way, when people ask her the most degrading thing she's ever done, she'll have a new answer.

To show that his energy bill is about more than drilling for oil in Alaska. This week President Bush visited a plant in Virginia that turned soy beans into a clean burning diesel fuel; which the president hopes one day will be used to fuel oil drilling machines in Alaska.