Author: Tina Fey Page 2

If convicted [Scooter] Libby could face the following penalties: obstruction of justice: 10 years in prison; making false statements: 5 years; perjury: 4 years; going to jail with the name Scooter: priceless.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Children Family

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Children Family

I feel about Photoshop the way some people feel about abortion. It is appalling and a tragic reflection on the moral decay of our society…unless I need it, in which case, everybody be cool.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Things

To show that his energy bill is about more than drilling for oil in Alaska. This week President Bush visited a plant in Virginia that turned soy beans into a clean burning diesel fuel; which the president hopes one day will be used to fuel oil drilling machines in Alaska.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

Gay people don’t actually try to convert people… that’s Jehovah’s Witnesses you’re thinking of.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
People

Jack: We are lovers.

Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Miscellaneous

If you want to make an audience laugh, you dress a man up like an old lady and push her down the stairs; if you want to make comedy writers laugh, you push an actual old lady down the stairs.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Emotions Entertainment Laughter

Al Qaeda on Friday released a statement confirming the death of Osama Bin Laden. They also announced that, as a result, Monday will be a half-day.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
TV/Movie Quotes

My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer
Characteristics