Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 2

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sheriff John Hoxley in “Six of a Kind”

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Entertainment Film

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Mae West

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Cooking Food/Drink Wine

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house… there's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Situations Butlers MIdgets

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Reputation Water

I'd like to see Paris before I die… Philadelphia will do.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Places TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick” Philadelphia With a noose around his neck he makes his last request to the lynching party

I don’t know whether to eat from the coat or the plate!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes After Baby Albert splashed soup over him in “The Old Fashioned Way”

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man”

Sometimes I wish I wasn't W.C. Fields, but that's only when I can remember who I am.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Self Drunkenness W.C. Fields

Go away kid, you bother me.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children People

I drink therefore I am.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Wordplay

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Doctors Health Situations Undertakers

If I had enough money to pay your back salary, I’d fire you.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sam Bisbee in “You’re Telling Me!” To his assistant

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Eating Food/Drink

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Death Food/Drink Whiskey

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Blood

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage Wives

Barfly: Squawk Mulligan tells me you buried your wife several years ago.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Ah, yes. I had to. She died.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Cuthbert J. Twillie in “My Little Chickadee”

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Wives Neighbors

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 2

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

A plumber's idea of Cleopatra.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house… there's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

I'd like to see Paris before I die… Philadelphia will do.

I don’t know whether to eat from the coat or the plate!

You kids are disgusting! Standing around here all day, reeking of popcorn and lollipops.

Sometimes I wish I wasn't W.C. Fields, but that's only when I can remember who I am.

Go away kid, you bother me.

I drink therefore I am.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

If I had enough money to pay your back salary, I’d fire you.

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

I was in love with a beautiful blonde once, dear. She drove me to drink. That’s the one thing I’m indebted to her for.

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.

Barfly: Squawk Mulligan tells me you buried your wife several years ago.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Ah, yes. I had to. She died.

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.