Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 2

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

She's all done up like a well-kept grave.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Age Appearance Insults Old Of an elderly lady dressed to kill

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

Fields reloading!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink (Fields' retort from his dressing room after a director had shouted "Camera reloading!")

If a thing is worth having, it’s worth cheating for.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Cuthbert J. Twillie in “My Little Chickadee” Cheating

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Characteristics Eating Food/Drink Breakfast Gin

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Reputation Water

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Health Time Hospital Nurse

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Situations

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick”

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Cooking Food/Drink Wine

Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Last words Carlotta" was Carlotta Monti an actress and Fields' mistress

If I had enough money to pay your back salary, I’d fire you.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sam Bisbee in “You’re Telling Me!” To his assistant

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Death Food/Drink Whiskey

I never met a kid I liked.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Family Relationships

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Appearance Family Relationships Beards

I never drink water… fish f**k in it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Sex Fish Water

Never give a sucker an even break.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break”

Agatha Sousé: Don’t you dare strike that child!
Sousé: She’s not gonna tell me I don’t love her.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick”

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?
Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Characteristics Games Chance Fairness

A Merry Christmas to all my friends except two.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Friends People Christmas

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 2

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

She's all done up like a well-kept grave.

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

Fields reloading!

If a thing is worth having, it’s worth cheating for.

I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

After two days in hospital I took a turn for the nurse.

Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.

During one of my treks through Afghanistan, we lost our corkscrew. We were compelled to live on food and water for several days.

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.

Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!

If I had enough money to pay your back salary, I’d fire you.

Secretary: Someday you'll drown in a vat of whiskey.
Field’s reply as an aside: Drown in a vat of whiskey? Oh death, where is thy sting?

I never met a kid I liked.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

I never drink water… fish f**k in it.

Never give a sucker an even break.

Agatha Sousé: Don’t you dare strike that child!
Sousé: She’s not gonna tell me I don’t love her.

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?
Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

A Merry Christmas to all my friends except two.