Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 4

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Men People Relationships Women

She’s all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great McGonigle in “The Old Fashioned Way”

Thou shalt not steal – only from other comedians.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Entertainment Comedians Stealing

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” Insomnia

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Reputation Water

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Beliefs Intelligence Religion

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink Health

The Great Man: [Suffering from a hangover] Somebody put too many olives in my martini last night!
Stewardess: Should I get you a Bromo?
The Great Man: No, I couldn’t stand the noise!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As The Great Man in “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” Hangover

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Hollywood Places

Secretary: It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.
Field’s reply: Yes, it is, very hard… it’s almost impossible.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Death Relationships TV/Movie Quotes As Ambrose Wolfinger in “Man on the Flying Trapeze” Mother-in-law

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Individuals

I don’t know why I ever come in here. Flies get the best of everything!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes From “Never Give a Sucker an Even Break” In a luncheonette

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Family Money Taxes

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hangovers

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sheriff John Hoxley in “Six of a Kind”

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Things Cheating Owning

I only drink to steady my nerves… sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Nerves

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Food/Drink Time Cook Tender Tough

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Age Alcohol Beer Food/Drink Young

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 4

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

A man without a woman is like a neck without a pain.

She’s all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

Thou shalt not steal – only from other comedians.

The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.

Say anything that you like about me except that I drink water.

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

The Great Man: [Suffering from a hangover] Somebody put too many olives in my martini last night!
Stewardess: Should I get you a Bromo?
The Great Man: No, I couldn’t stand the noise!

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

Secretary: It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.
Field’s reply: Yes, it is, very hard… it’s almost impossible.

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

I don’t know why I ever come in here. Flies get the best of everything!

[Charles Dickens] was the bravest man who ever lived; he fathered ten children before they became tax deductions.

I feel like a midget with muddy feet had been walking over my tongue all night.

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

I certainly do not drink all the time, I have to sleep you know.

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

I only drink to steady my nerves… sometimes I’m so steady I don’t move for months.

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

I never drank anything stronger than beer before I was twelve.