Author: W.C. Fields Page 5

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Family Relationships

I’ve never struck a woman in my life, not even my own mother.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
TV/Movie Quotes

The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics Eating Food/Drink

Some of my best friends are thieves; why, just last week we had the president of the bank over for dinner.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Conflict Crime People

If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bull.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics Intelligence

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Money Poverty Wealth

There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Animals Men People Situations Time

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Individuals

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Hollywood Places

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Intelligence People Women

She’s all dressed up like a well-kept grave.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
TV/Movie Quotes

More people are driven insane through religious hysteria than by drinking alcohol.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Beliefs Intelligence Religion

I seldom took a drink on the set before 9 a.m.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

[Asked if he believed in clubs for women, Fields responded] Yes, if every other form of persuasion fails.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
People Women

The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Conflict Life World

A thing worth having is a thing worth cheating for.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Things

I like my films to influence the audience; even if it means tripping their aged grandparents with a cane when they get home.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Entertainment Film

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink Health

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol

Ah yes, she's a fine figure of a woman, isn't she? … a handsome lass if there ever was one – and exceptionally well-preserved too.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Body

There’s not a man in America who at one time or another hasn’t had a secret desire to boot a child in the ass.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Children Family Situations