Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 6

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Elections/Voting Government

I shall send over a couple of pet beavers to romp with you.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man” To ventriloquist dummy Charlie McCarthy

If a thing is worth having, it’s worth cheating for.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Cuthbert J. Twillie in “My Little Chickadee” Cheating

Secretary: It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.
Field’s reply: Yes, it is, very hard… it’s almost impossible.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Death Relationships TV/Movie Quotes As Ambrose Wolfinger in “Man on the Flying Trapeze” Mother-in-law

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Money Poverty Wealth

Fields reloading!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink (Fields' retort from his dressing room after a director had shouted "Camera reloading!")

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Death Dead fish Swim

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Intelligence People Women Crazy

Meet me down in the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes As S.B. Bellows in “The Big Broadcast of 1938”

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Individuals Women Thanks

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

America Places California Freeze State

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Sex

Harry Payne Bosterly: You’re drunk!
Harold: And you’re crazy. But I’ll be sober tomorrow and you’ll be crazy for the rest of your life.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes As Harold Bissonette in “It’s a Gift” Drunk

Peggy: Won’t you join me in a glass of wine?
Professor Quail: You get in first, and if there’s room enough I’ll join you.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Professor Quail in “International House”

It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Communication Speech Action Agents Fired

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Age People Relationships Women

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Doctors Health Situations Undertakers

You must come down with me – after the show – to the lumberyard… and ride piggyback on the buzzsaw.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Larsen E. Whipsnade in “You Can’t Cheat an Honest Man” To ventriloquist dummy Charlie McCarthy

Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Last words Carlotta" was Carlotta Monti an actress and Fields' mistress

Agatha Sousé: Don’t you dare strike that child!
Sousé: She’s not gonna tell me I don’t love her.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick”

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Life Problems

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 6

I never vote for anyone; I always vote against.

I shall send over a couple of pet beavers to romp with you.

If a thing is worth having, it’s worth cheating for.

Secretary: It must be hard to lose your mother-in-law.
Field’s reply: Yes, it is, very hard… it’s almost impossible.

A rich man is nothing but a poor man with money.

Fields reloading!

Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

Meet me down in the bar! We’ll drink breakfast together.

'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.

California is the only state in the union where you can fall asleep under a rose bush in full bloom and freeze to death.

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

Harry Payne Bosterly: You’re drunk!
Harold: And you’re crazy. But I’ll be sober tomorrow and you’ll be crazy for the rest of your life.

Peggy: Won’t you join me in a glass of wine?
Professor Quail: You get in first, and if there’s room enough I’ll join you.

It's what you do that counts and not what you say; therefore I fired my press agent.

I'd rather have two girls at 21 each than one girl at 42.

When doctors and undertakers meet, they wink at each other.

You must come down with me – after the show – to the lumberyard… and ride piggyback on the buzzsaw.

Goddamn the whole fucking world and everyone in it except you, Carlotta!

Agatha Sousé: Don’t you dare strike that child!
Sousé: She’s not gonna tell me I don’t love her.

When life hands you lemons, make whisky sours.