Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 7

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house… there's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?
Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Cuthbert J. Twillie in “My Little Chickadee” Cards Gambling

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage People Women

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Eating Food/Drink

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Appearance Family Relationships Beards

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Wives Neighbors

It ain't a fit night out for man or beast.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Science/Weather

Fields reloading!

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink (Fields' retort from his dressing room after a director had shouted "Camera reloading!")

Sometimes I wish I wasn't W.C. Fields, but that's only when I can remember who I am.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Self Drunkenness W.C. Fields

Egbert: Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill?
Bartender: Yeah.
Egbert: Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind. I thought I’d lost it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick”

Go away kid, you bother me.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children People

The soup sounds good.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As the boarding house guests are eating from “The Old Fashioned Way”

Ah yes, she's a fine figure of a woman, isn't she? … a handsome lass if there ever was one – and exceptionally well-preserved too.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Appearance Body Regarding Mae West

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Sex

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Animals Snake

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Situations

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive – right, left, and in the middle.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Situations Business

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Individuals

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Places Time Philadelphia Sunday Year

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Reality Sobriety

Quotes and One Liners

humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more

Categories

Additional Categories

Oops...

Some Popular Authors

Author: W.C. Fields Page 7

Ah, the patter of little feet around the house… there's nothing like having a midget for a butler.

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?
Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

Marry an outdoors woman; then if you throw her out into the yard for the night, she can still survive.

I don’t believe in dining on an empty stomach.

All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.

Thou shalt not covet they neighbor's wife unless she's a beauty.

It ain't a fit night out for man or beast.

Fields reloading!

Sometimes I wish I wasn't W.C. Fields, but that's only when I can remember who I am.

Egbert: Was I in here last night and did I spend a twenty-dollar bill?
Bartender: Yeah.
Egbert: Oh boy, what a load that is off my mind. I thought I’d lost it.

Go away kid, you bother me.

The soup sounds good.

Ah yes, she's a fine figure of a woman, isn't she? … a handsome lass if there ever was one – and exceptionally well-preserved too.

Sex isn't necessary; you don't die without it – but you can die having it.

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.

It's quite true I'm not drinking anymore; however, I'm not drinking any less either.

Some things are better than sex, and some are worse, but there’s nothing exactly like it.

Business is an establishment that gives you the legal, even though unethical, right to screw the naive – right, left, and in the middle.

A man's got to believe in something… and I believe I'll have another drink.

I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.