Author W.C. Fields | Just-One-Liners.com

Author: W.C. Fields Page 8

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Marriage Wives

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities Alcohol Exercise Food/Drink Health

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Hollywood Places Delirium tremens

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Children Food/Drink Time Cook Tender Tough

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sheriff John Hoxley in “Six of a Kind”

[Asked if he believed in clubs for women, Fields responded] Yes, if every other form of persuasion fails.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

People Women

[Sarcastically] I’m about as busy as a pickpocket in a nudist colony.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Sheriff John Hoxley in “Six of a Kind” Busy

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Hollywood Places

Barfly: Squawk Mulligan tells me you buried your wife several years ago.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Ah, yes. I had to. She died.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

TV/Movie Quotes As Cuthbert J. Twillie in “My Little Chickadee”

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Intelligence People Women Crazy

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Activities TV/Movie Quotes As Egbert Sousè in “The Bank Dick” Smoking

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Conflict Situations Arguments

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Author: W.C. Fields Page 8

I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake – which I also keep handy.

A good wife is one who can mow the lawn in the summer and put up the storm windows in the winter.

Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising… it was the only exercise I got.

It's hard to tell where Hollywood ends and the D.T.'s begin.

Madam, there's no such thing as a tough child – if you parboil them first for seven hours, they always come out tender.

I feel as though the Russian Army has been walking over my tongue in their stocking feet.

[Asked if he believed in clubs for women, Fields responded] Yes, if every other form of persuasion fails.

[Sarcastically] I’m about as busy as a pickpocket in a nudist colony.

Hollywood is the gold cap on a tooth that should have been pulled out years ago.

Barfly: Squawk Mulligan tells me you buried your wife several years ago.
Cuthbert J. Twillie: Ah, yes. I had to. She died.

No doubt exists that all women are crazy, it’s only a question of degree.

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

I don’t have to attend every argument I’m invited to.