Author: Wanda Sykes

For guys, sex is like going to a restaurant, and no matter what you order off that menu, you walk out of there going, ‘Damn, that was good!'

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Men People Sex

You know the economy is bad when illegals start complaining that Americans are taking their jobs.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Government Money

I know what they're waiting for…(the press) is waiting for (Michelle Obama) to get pissed one night and throw all The President's (stuff) out on the lawn.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Beliefs Emotions Opinion

With a black president, I can relax…I can dance in public… I can buy a whole watermelon now.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Characteristics Government President Situations

I don’t understand this whole Elvis thing; there are dead people in my family that we miss and love dearly, but shoot, we don’t dress up like them and three are blank.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
People

I hate when women compare men to dogs; men are not dogs… dogs are loyal; I’ve never found any strange panties in my dog’s house

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Animals Dogs Men People

Florida has so many strip clubs, they need to change their state flag to just a brass pole.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Places

He’s going around putting little covers over the electrical outlets and all that stuff, and I’m like, ‘How the kids going to learn about electricity, huh?’

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Children Family

I knew something was wrong with the economy when the shampoo girl at my salon closed on a six bedroom house.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Money Situations

L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
Alcohol Food/Drink Places

The man has a 70% approval rate, which makes sense to me because he's pretty much done everything I expected him to do: the economy's in the toilet, we're at war and everything's on fire.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host
People Problems