Author: Will Rogers

I don't make jokes… I just watch the government and report the facts.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Entertainment Government

The more you read and observe about the Politics thing, you got to admit that each party is worse than the other.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Politics

My ancestors didn't come over on the Mayflower, but they were there to meet the boat.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
History People Things Time

I’ve traveled a long way and some of the roads weren’t paved.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Age Appearance Body Old

If I could kick the person in the tail that causes me the most problems I could not sit down for a week.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
People Problems Self

Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Accidents Failure Situations

Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Animals Situations

We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Age Congress Government Time

You know everybody is ignorant, only on different subjects.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Intelligence

Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie’ until you can find a rock.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Characteristics Government

You never know how much a man can't remember until he is called as a witness.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Individuals Intelligence Memory People

I can remember way back when a liberal was one who was generous with his own money.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Politicians

Every time a woman leaves off something she looks better, but every time a man leaves off something he looks worse.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Appearance Clothing Men People Women

Whenever I feel the need for exercise I go and lie down for half an hour until the feeling passes.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Activities Exercise

Liberty doesn't work as good in practice as it does in speeches.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Politicians

Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Government Money

Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Characteristics

When you put down the good things you ought to have done, and leave out the bad ones you did do – well, that's Memoirs.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Characteristics Past Reading/Writing Self

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Communication Speech

Calvin Coolidge didn’t say much, and when he did, he didn’t say much.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
Communication Insults Intelligence Speech

We can’t all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by.

(1879 – 1935) humorist & social commentator
People