Author: Wilson Mizner

This might have been good for a picture… except it has too many characters in it.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Entertainment Film

Life’s a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Life Time

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Death

The most efficient water power in the world – women's tears.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Women

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Fools Intelligence People

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Communication Self Speech

He’s the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Frugal Insults Money

A trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Hollywood Insults Places

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Intelligence People

Hollywood is a sewer with service from the Ritz Carlton.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Hollywood Insults Places

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics

Some of the greatest love affairs I've known have involved one actor – unassisted.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Emotions Love

Why should I talk to you? I've just been talking with your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Last words

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Communication Insults Opinion

He's a trellis for varicose veins.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Appearance Body Insults

Why should I talk to you?… I've just been talking to your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Communication Death God

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Activities

Many a live wire would be a dead one except for his connections.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics

In the battle of existence, talent is the punch; tact is the clever footwork.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Animals Insults

Another pot of coffee, waiter, and bring it under your arm to keep it warm.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Food/Drink