Author: Wilson Mizner

Most hard-boiled people are half-baked.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Intelligence People

The most efficient water power in the world – women's tears.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Women

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Husbands Marriage Situations Sleep Wives

Another pot of coffee, waiter, and bring it under your arm to keep it warm.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Food/Drink

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Death

Failure has gone to his head.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics Failure Insults Problems

I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Education Religion

Don't talk about yourself; it will be done when you leave.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Communication Self Speech

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Fools Intelligence People

In the battle of existence, talent is the punch; tact is the clever footwork.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics

I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Communication Insults Opinion

A trip through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Hollywood Insults Places

Always be nice to people on the way up; because you'll meet the same people on the way down.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Situations Work

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Animals Insults

Many a live wire would be a dead one except for his connections.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics

Life’s a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Life Time

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Marriage

Why should I talk to you?… I've just been talking to your boss.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Beliefs Communication Death God

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Activities

He's a trellis for varicose veins.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Appearance Body Insults