Author: Wilson Mizner Page 2

The days just prior to marriage are like a snappy introduction to a tedious book.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Marriage

This might have been good for a picture… except it has too many characters in it.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Entertainment Film

A drama critic is a person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Communication Insults Opinion

You're a mouse studying to be a rat.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Animals Insults

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Activities

A fellow who is always declaring he's no fool usually has his suspicions.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Fools Intelligence People

He’s the only man I ever knew who had rubber pockets so he could steal soup.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Frugal Insults Money

The most efficient water power in the world – women's tears.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
People Women

Another pot of coffee, waiter, and bring it under your arm to keep it warm.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Food/Drink

I've had ample contact with lawyers, and I'm convinced that the only fortune they ever leave is their own.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Government Insults Law Lawyers Money

He'd steal a hot stove and come back for the smoke.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics Insults

The only time that most women give their orating husbands undivided attention is when the old boys mumble in their sleep.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Husbands Marriage Situations Sleep Wives