Author: Woody Allen Page 2

Sex is better than talk… talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Communication Conversation Sex Speech

My brain? … It’s my second favorite organ.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health Mistakes

Living is messy.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life

I had a terrible education… I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Education School

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Sex

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Eating Food/Drink

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Laughter Sex

Hannah: Excessive masturbation?

Mickey: You gonna start knockin’ my hobbies?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

There are worse things in life than death… and if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Occupations Work

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? … in that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
God

My deepest apology goes to the Trochman family in Detroit. I… I never delivered a baby before in my life, and I… I just thought that ice tongs was the way to do it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Nietzsche says that we will live the same life, over and over again… Great, I’ll have to sit through the Ice Capades again.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Situations TV/Movie Quotes

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage Wives

There have been times when I’ve thought about it – but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

Luna: It’s hard to believe that you haven’t had sex for 200 years.

Miles: 204, if you count my marriage.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

My grammy never gave gifts. She was too busy getting raped by Cossacks.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Family TV/Movie Quotes

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge… others only gargle.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Education

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age Old

[After a fight] Yeah, I’m fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy’s fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Fights TV/Movie Quotes