Author: Woody Allen Page 2

I have an intense desire to return to the womb… anybody's.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Situations

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge… others only gargle.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Education

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Sports

My deepest apology goes to the Trochman family in Detroit. I… I never delivered a baby before in my life, and I… I just thought that ice tongs was the way to do it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage Things Wives

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

I'm giving [my analyst] one more year… then I'm going to Lourdes.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health Mistakes

I was the best I ever had.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

There have been times when I’ve thought about it – but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

I hate reality… but nevertheless, it’s still the only place to get a good steak.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Eating Food/Drink Life

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

I'm not anti-social – I'm just not social.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics People Self

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Time

I am at two with nature.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict

Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful; provided you get between the right man and the right woman.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Sex

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Money Things Work

The most beautiful words in the English language are not “I love you,” but … “benign.”

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health Speech

[After a fight] Yeah, I’m fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy’s fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Fights TV/Movie Quotes

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

It is impossible to travel faster than the speed of light, and certainly not desirable, as one’s hat keeps blowing off.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Clothing Science/Weather