Author: Woody Allen Page 3

What if nothing exists and we’re all in somebody’s dream? .. or what'’s worse, what if only that fat guy in the third row exists?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Miscellaneous

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Situations Sleep

I believe there is something out there watching over us… unfortunately, it's the government.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Government

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

When a doctor makes a mistake, it's best to bury the subject.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Doctors Health Mistakes

Marriage is the death of hope.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage

Luna: So then, what do you believe in?

Miles: Sex and death – two things that come once in a lifetime… but at least after death, you're not nauseous.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Sex TV/Movie Quotes

The most beautiful words in the English language are not “I love you,” but … “benign.”

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health Speech

For a while we pondered whether to take a vacation or get a divorce; we decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage

I don’t want to live on in my work, I want to live on in my apartment.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work

I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people… between five, it's fantastic.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

Allan: What are you doing Saturday night?
Museum girl: Committing suicide.
Allan: What about Friday night?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Future Life Time

Love is the answer… but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Love Sex

Death is a wonderful way of cutting down on your expenses.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Money

Drew Barrymore sings so badly, deaf people refuse to watch her lips move.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Reviews/Criticism

Luna Schlosser: What’s it feel like to be dead for 200 years?

Miles Monroe: Like spending a weekend in Beverly Hills.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

I think I see a cab. If we run quickly we can kick the crutch from that old lady and get it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

According to modern astronomers, space is finite; this is a very comforting thought – particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Places Science/Weather