Author: Woody Allen Page 3

I’m not really the heroic type. I was beat up by Quakers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

I sold my memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers – they’re going to make a game out of it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Activities Death Games People Self

We played strip chess. She had me down to my shorts and I fainted from tension.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Activities TV/Movie Quotes

Of all the wonders of nature, a tree in summer is perhaps the most remarkable; with the possible exception of a moose singing 'Embraceable You' in spats.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Miscellaneous

This stuff tastes awful. I could make a fortune selling it in my health food store.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

It's not that I'm afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death Emotions Fear

There have been times when I’ve thought about it – but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

Sex alleviates tension; love causes it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Love Sex

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Money

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

I had a terrible education… I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Education School

I finally had an orgasm and my doctor told me it was the wrong kind.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I have an intense desire to return to the womb… anybody's.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Situations

I'm what you would call a teleological, existential atheist. I believe that there's an intelligence to the universe, with the exception of certain parts of New Jersey.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don’t tan… I stroke.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Body

I am at two with nature.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue of Liberty.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Perform sex? Uh, uh, I don’t think I’m up to a performance, but I’ll rehearse with you, if you like.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work

I was in analysis for years and nothing happened. My poor analyst got so frustrated, the guy finally put in a salad bar.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Health TV/Movie Quotes