Author: Woody Allen Page 4

Linda: Would you like us to call a doctor?

Allan: No, no, I could use a three foot band-aid.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

I was the best I ever had.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

Hannah: Excessive masturbation?

Mickey: You gonna start knockin’ my hobbies?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

There are worse things in life than death… and if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Occupations Work

Some guy hit my fender and I said "be fruitful and multiply" but not in those words.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Accidents Autos Things

Luna: You were screaming out different names in your sleep.

Miles: I was having sexual nightmares.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Confidence is what you have before you understand the problem.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Intelligence Problems Understanding

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

In my house I’m the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage Wives

Eternity is really long, especially near the end.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Time

I’m really a timid person – I was beaten up by Quakers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Fights

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Sports

Sex alleviates tension; love causes it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Love Sex

I have an interesting case. I’ m treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I’ m getting paid by eight people.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

If only God would give me some clear sign! … like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Money Situations

To you, I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God TV/Movie Quotes

I have an interesting case. I’m treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I’m getting paid by eight people.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Most of the time I don’t have much fun; the rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Emotions Self

That’s OK, we can walk to the curb from here.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work