Author: Woody Allen Page 8

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Sports

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education School

The only time my wife and I had a simultaneous orgasm was when the judge signed the divorce papers.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Divorce Marriage Sex

I was the best I ever had.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Self Sex

Most of the time I don’t have much fun; the rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Emotions Self

Death is an acquired trait.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

My luck is getting worse and worse.. last night, for instance, I was mugged by a Quaker.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Crime

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Situations Time

I have an interesting case. I’ m treating two sets of Siamese twins with split personalities. I’ m getting paid by eight people.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Situations Sleep

I tended to place my wife under a pedestal.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Marriage Things Wives

I don’ t know if you’ ve read my book, “Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing.”

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

There are two types of people in this world: good and bad… the good sleep better, but the bad seem to enjoy the waking hours much more.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People

I hate reality… but nevertheless, it’s still the only place to get a good steak.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Eating Food/Drink Life

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? … in that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life

I was nauseous and tingly all over… I was either in love or I had smallpox.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Health Love

That’s OK, we can walk to the curb from here.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes