Author: Woody Allen Page 8

There have been times when I’ve thought about it – but with my luck it would probably turn out to be only a temporary solution.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Death

I don’t think my family liked me… they put a live teddy bear in my crib.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Age Family Self Young

I ran into Isosceles; he has a great idea for a new triangle!

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Science/Weather

Halley Reed: He wants to produce something of mine.

Clifford Stern: Yeah, your first child.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Relationships TV/Movie Quotes

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Entertainment Film People Work

I sold the memoirs of my sex life to a publisher – they are going to make a board game out of it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

I have an intense desire to return to the womb… anybody's.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Situations

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
People Places Science/Weather World

Look. Last night you felt like a woman and I felt like a man… and that's the kind of thing those people do.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Love is the answer… but while you're waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Love Sex

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? … in that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life

I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Food/Drink Laughter

There are worse things in life than death… and if you've ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman, you know exactly what I mean.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Occupations Work

Drew Barrymore sings so badly, deaf people refuse to watch her lips move.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Reviews/Criticism

I can’t listen to that much Wagner… I start getting the urge to conquer Poland.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Entertainment Music Places War

Linda: Would you like us to call a doctor?

Allan: No, no, I could use a three foot band-aid.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

I don’t want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Life Work