Author: Sign Page 20

Shoplifters Will Be Beaten Over the Head With an Organic Carrot

BURGER KING • Hunchback Kids Meals Are Here

FREE ROOM With Every $59 Breakfast

Kids With Gas Eat Free!

10 Min. Walk (7 if run a little) To ropeway Stn.

Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club

Do not use while sleeping.

Ice Is Currently Not Available Due to Freezing Temperatures

NO SWIMMING IN THIS AREA

Dr. Jones, At Your Cervix

NO DANCING ON THE DANCE FLOOR

Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we diet!

SOCCER NOT ALLOWED – Soccer May Only Be Played in Archery Range

The Superstore — Unequaled in Size, Unmatched in Variety, Unrivaled Inconvenience

DANGER! To touch these wires will result in instant death. Anyone found doing so will be severely prosecuted.

GO SLOW – Accident Porn Area

The Library Is Now Selling Free Coffee for $1

SMITH and MOORE • CABINETMAKERS and UNDERTAKERS

The Copier is out of Order! Yes – We have called the serviceman.
Yes – He will be in today. No – We cannot fix it.
No – We do not know how long it will take.
No – We do not know what caused it.
No – We do not know who broke it. Yes – We are keeping it.
No – We do not know what you are going to do now. – Thank You

Village of Crestwood – English Is Our Language – No Excetions [sic] – Learn It – Mayor Chester Stranczek

OUTHOUSE
Caution, Poison Ivy