Author: Sign Page 20

Shoplifters Will Be Beaten Over the Head With an Organic Carrot

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BURGER KING • Hunchback Kids Meals Are Here

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FREE ROOM With Every $59 Breakfast

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Kids With Gas Eat Free!

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10 Min. Walk (7 if run a little) To ropeway Stn.

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Harrisburg Postal Employee Gun Club

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Do not use while sleeping.

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Ice Is Currently Not Available Due to Freezing Temperatures

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NO SWIMMING IN THIS AREA

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Dr. Jones, At Your Cervix

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NO DANCING ON THE DANCE FLOOR

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Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we diet!

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SOCCER NOT ALLOWED – Soccer May Only Be Played in Archery Range

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The Superstore — Unequaled in Size, Unmatched in Variety, Unrivaled Inconvenience

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DANGER! To touch these wires will result in instant death. Anyone found doing so will be severely prosecuted.

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GO SLOW – Accident Porn Area

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The Library Is Now Selling Free Coffee for $1

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SMITH and MOORE • CABINETMAKERS and UNDERTAKERS

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The Copier is out of Order! Yes – We have called the serviceman.
Yes – He will be in today. No – We cannot fix it.
No – We do not know how long it will take.
No – We do not know what caused it.
No – We do not know who broke it. Yes – We are keeping it.
No – We do not know what you are going to do now. – Thank You

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Village of Crestwood – English Is Our Language – No Excetions [sic] – Learn It – Mayor Chester Stranczek

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OUTHOUSE
Caution, Poison Ivy

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