Author: Sign Page 9

No Smorking in Building

Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: "The Gates of Heaven."

Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."

THINK • Do it Right The First Time! Plan Ahead

Please Do Not Throw Stones at This Sign – Thank You

Trespassers Will Be Prosecuted To the Full Extent Of the Law

Warning – Please look under your vehicle for penguins

Please Use Middle Door

BRAZIER FOODS • CHEESECAKE LIZZARDS ARE HERE

No Parking Above This Sign

B O, Every Saturday Night, 6:30 pm

HELP WANTED – Must Not Be Dead

Out For a Quick Byte

In honor of Earth Day, anyone asking for help today will be treated like dirt.

Let Me Meat Your Needs

STOP – PLease Wait for Attendant – We Cannot Wash Any Grand-Ams

Do not open this door when locked.

Shoe Repair – I Will Heel You – I Will Save Your Sole – I Will Even Dye For You

Speed Limit 13½

NO HORN BLOWING – Except For Anger

This Month Specials – No Fuel

Pleased to Meat You