Keyword: As Howard in “the Big Bang Theory”

Come on, one day this may double in value and be worth half what I paid for it!

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Howard: See a Penny, pick her up, and all the day, you’ll have good luck.

Penny: No, you won’t.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

May I say Penny, not a lot of women could look as hot as you do with such greasy hair.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

I need to make as much as my wife so I don’t have to try so hard in bed.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Raj: Do you believe you’re going to go to hell for eating sweet and sour pork?

Howard: Jews don’t have hell. We have acid reflux.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Howard: Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Howard: So there is a number.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Penny: Howard, cow tipping – real or not?

Howard: I’m going to say not. That’s just based on me trying to roll my mom over when she’s snoring.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

{Noticing Raj peeking through someone’s window using the telescope] Oh, Raj, no. Billions of dollars have gone into inventing the Internet and filling it with pictures of naked women, so we don’t have to peep through windows.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Love is not a sprint, it’s a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms… or hits you with the pepper spray.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Sheldon: Amy ruined Raiders of the Lost Ark for me, so I’m trying to find something beloved of hers and ruin that.

Howard: Because her life wasn’t enough?

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Howard: She should quiet down soon. I gave her enough pain meds to choke a … well, her.
Leonard: And that didn’t bother you?
Howard: Au contraire. It meant that she was gullible and open to a little probing.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Sheldon: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?

Howard: I say, “Hey Ma, what’s for dinner?”

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Bernadette: It didn’t help that you couldn’t walk a straight line when the cop pulled you over.

Howard: I have performance anxiety. You of all people should know that.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Howard: The doctor says you’ve got to get exercise.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I get plenty of exercise.
Howard: Crushing my will to live isn’t exercise!

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Renaissance fairs aren’t about historical accuracy, they’re about taking chubby girls who work at Kinko’s and lacing them up in corsets so tight their bosoms jump out and say “Howdy”.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Bernadette: Why can’t he take your mom? You took her to your prom.
Howard: I didn’t take her. She was a chaperone.
Bernadette: I saw a picture of you two dancing together.
Howard: Well what was I gonna do? They were playing our song.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Sheldon, I’d kill my Rabbi with a pork chop to be with your sister.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

How do I know what you said? Damn you and your noise-cancelling breasts.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Raj: 60 seconds. This is not looking good.
Sheldon: One minute is a long time.
Howard: I’ve been telling women that for 20 years.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician

Normally, I’m not turned on by big teeth, but on you they work.

(1980 – ) American actor, comedian & musician