Keyword: Bible

When you come to Heritage USA, remember to bring your Bible and your VISA card—because the Bible is the Holy Truth, and God doesn't take American Express.

(1939 – ) American televangelist
Beliefs God Money

Book Of Ecclesiasticles

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Malaprops

I'm looking for loopholes.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Beliefs Reading/Writing Religion

Bible Church's Focus is the Bible

Headlines

The Book of Life begins with a man and a woman in a garden… it ends with Revelations.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Beliefs Books Communication

You know how your friends are all morons, and they got the stories wrong all the time?… it’s the same here with the Bible.

(1960 – ) American stand-up comedian & writer
Friends Intelligence Old People

The Bible says gays aren’t natural; what? … and a talking snake is?!

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor
Beliefs People

Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Intelligence Religion

The number one book of the ages was written by a committee, and it was called the Bible.

(1884 – 1957) Russian-born American film producer
People

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older; then it dawned on me – they're cramming for their final exam.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Age Old

If you have the Old Testament at home, if you flip the corner pages, you can see Jesus riding a horse.

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

If God had written the Bible, the first line should have been 'It's round.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Books Communication

Properly read, the Bible is the most potent force for atheism ever conceived.

(1920 – 1992) American science and science fiction author & professor
Beliefs Religion

How many people died from the Kama Sutra, as opposed to the Bible?

(1940 – 1993) composer, guitarist, record producer & film director
Beliefs Death

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Religion

The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because they are generally the same people.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Beliefs People Religion

I've been in the Bible every day since I've been the president.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Books Communication President

Sometimes, I like to read the Bible in public and yell out, ‘Oh Bullshit!’

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Situations