Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Keyword:
Birds
I can levitate birds… no one cares.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals
Science/Weather
Birds
Levitation
Get two birds stoned at once.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Birds
All I know of birds to this date is that sparrows are the ones that are not pigeons.
Alan Coren
(1938 – 2007) British writer
Animals
Birds
There’s an unseen force which lets birds know when you’ve just washed your car.
Denis Norden
(1922 – ) English comedy writer & television presenter
Autos
Murphy’s Laws
Things
Birds
Flashier Great Tits Produce Stronger Sperm, Bird Study Shows
Headline
Animals
Headlines
Birds
Impeccable Birdfeeding: How to Discourage Scuffling, Hull-dropping, Seed-throwing, Unmentionable Nuisances and Vulgar Chatter at Your Birdfeeder
Bill Adler Jr.
Animals
Book Titles
Birdfeeders
Birds
A bird in the hand is usually dead.
Proverb
Animals
Proverbs
Birds
Did you know a bird is the only animal that you can throw and you’d be helping it?
Sean O’Connor
Comedian
Animals
Birds
Fall is my favorite season in Los Angeles, watching the birds change color and fall from the trees.
David Letterman
(1947 – ) comedian & television host
Places
Autumn
Birds
Los Angeles
A bird in the hand is dead.
Boozer's Revision
Animals
Death
Murphy’s Laws
Birds
Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, "Is that Rod Stewart in first class?"
Eddie Izzard
(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Animals
Situations
Birds
It's a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they'd just stay right up there; hunters would be all confused.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals
Science/Weather
Birds
Gravity