Keyword: Blood

I went to a doctor, and all he did is suck blood from my neck; don't go see Dr. Acula.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Doctors Health

Blood is thicker than water… but it makes lousy lemonade!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Relationships

When I got through with him, he was all covered wit' blood… my blood.

(1893 – 1980) American singer, pianist, comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Self

Remember, blood is not only much thicker than water, it’s much more difficult to get out of the carpet.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Miscellaneous

B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.

Definitions

'You scratch my back, and I'll suck blood out of yours' – that is the insect motto.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals

If you surveyed a hundred typical middle-aged Americans, I bet you'd find that only two of them could tell you their blood types, but every last one of them would know the theme song from The Beverly Hillbillies.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
America Intelligence People

I once donated a pint of my finest red corpuscles to the great American Red Cross and the doctor opined my blood was very helpful; contained so much alcohol they could use it to sterilize their instruments.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink

Give blood. Play hockey. 

Hockey Sports

Blood Electric

Book Titles

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
God Men People Things