Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Keyword:
Criticism
(Page 2)
I would rather see the portrait of a dog that I know, than all the allegorical paintings they can show me in the world.
Samuel Johnson
(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Art
Communication
Entertainment
Criticism
Paintings
Nothing but old fags and cabbage-stumps of quotations from the Bible and the rest, stewed in the juice of deliberate, journalistic dirty-mindedness.
D.H. Lawrence
(1885 – 1930) English novelist, poet, playwright, essayist, literary critic & painter
Communication
Insults
About James Joyce
Criticism
He is at his wit's end – it is true that he had not far to go.
George (Lord) Byron
(1788 – 1824) English poet
Communication
Insults
Intelligence
Criticism
Another pot of coffee, waiter, and bring it under your arm to keep it warm.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Food/Drink
Coffee
Criticism
Temperature
For God's sake, go and tell that young man to take that Rockingham tea service out of his tights.
Noel Coward
(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Entertainment
Insults
Coward said to the choreographer when a male dancer in one of his plays forgot to wear the proper support
Criticism
Theater
To have
not
shot his friend in the face would have sent a message to the quail that America is weak.
Jon Stewart
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
America
Communication
Situations
Criticism
Of Dick Cheney
Shooting
If my critics saw me walking over the Thames they would say it was because I couldn't swim.
Margaret Thatcher
(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician
Communication
(also Lyndon Johnson)
Criticism
Swim
Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.
George Burns
(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Communication
Insults
People
Criticism
Critics
Uselessness
A critic is a bunch of biases held loosely together by a sense of taste.
Whitney Balliett
(1926 – 2007) American jazz critic & book reviewer
Communication
Death
Occupations
Work
Criticism
Critics
The first thing I do in the morning is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue.
Oscar Levant
(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Communication
Language
Criticism
Wit
The only people who say worse things about politicians than reporters do are other politicians.
Andy Rooney
(1919 – 2011) American news commentator & writer
Communication
Politicians
Criticism
Reporters
If I rescued a child from drowning, the press would no doubt headline the story: ‘Benn Grabs Child.’
Tony Benn
(1925 – ) British politician & peace activist
Communication
Criticism
The press
She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet.
Julie Andrews
(1935 – ) British actress, singer & author
Communication
Criticism
On columnist Joyce Haber
Surgery
How much would you charge to haunt a house?
Arthur ‘Bugs’ Baer
(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist
Appearance
Communication
Criticism
Why am I so good at playing bitches? I think it's because I'm not a bitch; maybe that's why Miss Crawford always plays ladies.
Bette Davis
(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater
Entertainment
Film
Insults
Bitches
Criticism
Joan Crawford
A victim of the use of water as a beverage.
Sam Houston
(1793 – 1863) American politician, statesman & soldier
Characteristics
Communication
Insults
Criticism
On President James K. Polk
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
Harrison's Postulate
Beliefs
Murphy’s Laws
Opinion
Criticism
I hope they notice the mistletoe tied to my coattails as I leave town.
Abe Lemons
(1922 – 2002) American college basketball coach
Communication
Criticism
Mistletoe
It's a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn't want to hear.
Dick Cavett
(1936 – ) television talk show host
Communication
Individuals
People
Criticism
This sign says “IMPROV,” but I had a bad set on Friday night, so yesterday they put an “E” on the end of it.
Mitch Hedberg
(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication
Language
Comedy
Criticism
If people don't sit at Chaplin's feet, he goes out and stands where they are sitting.
Herman J. Mankiewicz
(1897 – 1953) American writer & producer
Communication
Charlie Chaplin
Criticism
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