Keyword: Drunk

Tighter than a new boot

Miscellaneous

Here's how you know that you're really drunk: when you get into a taxi cab and you think the fare is the time.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink Situations

There's no question about it. Wall Street got drunk—that's one of the reasons I asked you to turn off the TV cameras—it got drunk and now it's got a hangover. The question is how long will it sober up and not try to do all these fancy financial instruments.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Bushisms

You can't fall off the floor.

Alcohol Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

He is not drunk, who from the floor, can rise and stand and shout for more.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Alcohol Food/Drink

He’s three sheets in the wind.

Miscellaneous

A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts.

Alcohol Ideas Murphy’s Laws

Smith to witness: So, you were as drunk as a judge?
Judge (interjecting): You mean as drunk as a lord?
Smith: Yes, My Lord.

(1872 – 1930) British statesman, politician & lawyer
Alcohol Food/Drink

I gave that man the drunkest years of my life.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

I got so drunk one night I woke up in a chalk outline.

American comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

Drunk as Cooter Brown

Miscellaneous

Harry Payne Bosterly: You’re drunk!

Harold: And you’re crazy. But I’ll be sober tomorrow and you’ll be crazy for the rest of your life.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol TV/Movie Quotes

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he still has a blade of grass to hang onto.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

You are not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

(1917 – 1995) singer, actor & comedian
Alcohol

You might be a redneck if… you've ever been too drunk to fish.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Alcohol People Rednecks

My uncle was the town drunk… and we lived in Chicago.

(1919 – 1991) American comedian & actor
Alcohol Food/Drink

Little Bobby’s Drunk Again

Alcohol Book Titles

If you can laugh at yourself loud and hard every time you fall, people will think you're drunk.

(1963 – ) television host & comedian
Accidents Alcohol Emotions Laughter

He’s in a foggery.

Miscellaneous

The problem with some people is that when they aren’t drunk, they’re sober.

(1865 – 1939) Irish poet & politician
Alcohol Food/Drink Insults People

Sex with me when I'm really drunk is like being at the dentist… you can tell something's going on but you don't exactly know what it is.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Alcohol Food/Drink Sex