Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Keyword:
Furniture
We had gay burglars the other night; they broke in and rearranged the furniture.
Robin Williams
(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Situations
Burglars
Furniture
Homosexuals
I can’t have kids because I have white couches.
Carrie Snow
(1953 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Children
Family
Furniture
No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
Fran Lebowitz
(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Animals
Communication
Conversation
Speech
Furniture
The only really good place to buy lumber is at a store where the lumber has already been cut and attached together in the form of furniture, finished, and put inside boxes.
Dave Barry
(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Things
Boxes
Furniture
Lumber
Store
To supplement my income, I sell furniture on the side… I'm down to my couch now.
Charlie Viracola
(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian
Money
Furniture
It looks different when you're sober; I thought I had twice as much furniture.
Neil Simon
(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Furniture
Sober
You know you're working class when your TV is bigger than your bookcase.
Rob Beckett
English standup comedian
Entertainment
People
Television
Furniture
Working class