Keyword: Gambling

My idea of gambling was walking through Central Park, whistling show tunes.

(1939 – ) American actor, dancer, singer, producer & choreographer

I backed a horse today at 20:1; it came in at twenty past four.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician

Look around the table; if you don’t see a sucker, get up, because you’re the sucker.

They've opened up a new casino for people on welfare; when you put a food stamp in the slot machine and it lands on three babies, you win a block of cheese!

comedian & radio personality

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?

Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

The difference between playing the stock market and the horses is that one of the horses must win.

(1838 – 1918) journalist, historian, academic & novelist

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one; it didn't come in until half-past five.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

Horse racing is animated roulette.

(1927 – ) American author & baseball writer

If you bet on a horse, that's gambling. If you bet you can make three spades, that's entertainment. If you bet cotton will go up three points, that's business. See the difference?

(1919 – ) American sportswriter

First of all, if you are gambling and you've gotta get change for a nickel – it's over.

comedian

Parking Meter: An automatic device that bets a dollar to your nickel that you can’t get back before the time runs out.

It’s morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

I joined Gamblers Anonymous; they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Gambling: The sure way of getting nothing from something.

(1876 – 1933) screenwriter

Snake eyes is a gambling term… and an animal term, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

One of the worst things that can happen to you in life is to win a bet on a horse at an early age.

American billiards champion & hustler

I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling… the rest I spend foolishly.

(1919 – 1985) Scottish comedian & actor

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.