Keyword: Gifts

Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother – you’re not sure what you’ve got but you’re pretty sure you’re not going to like it.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Family Relationships Things

Beware of gifts bearing Greeks.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
People Places Things

The gifts you buy your wife are never as appropriate as the gifts your neighbor buys his wife.

Husbands Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

Fear Greeks, even when they bring gifts.

Murphy’s Laws

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Marriage

I like fruit baskets because it gives you the ability to mail someone a piece of fruit without appearing insane.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Children Family

I have always felt a gift diamond shines so much better than one you buy for yourself.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Things

If it were not for the presents, an elopement would be preferable.

(1866 – 1944) American writer, newspaper columnist, playwright & humorist
Marriage Things

The first time you go out after your wife’s birthday, you will see the gift you gave her marked down fifty percent.
Corollary: If she’s with you, she’ll assume you chose it because it was cheap.

Husbands Money Murphy’s Laws Shopping Wives

Nothing with a plug on it, nothing worn directly next to the skin, no clothing that will turn out to be too small rather than too big, and nothing that you actually want for yourself and are trying to disguise as a gift.

Men Murphy’s Laws People Things Women

I'd never buy my girl a watch… she's already got a clock over the stove.

(1963 – ) American professional basketball player & sports personality
Basketball Sports Things

Never try to guess your wife's size. Just buy her anything marked ‘petite’ and hold on to the receipt.

Appearance Body Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

You get the most of what you need the least.

Murphy’s Laws Things