Keyword: Homosexuals

If you're a guy, you're wearing a fanny pack, the only thing inside there's, like, a butt plug and Streisand tickets.

stand-up comedian, writer & actor
People Things

They’re the only couples you’ll ever find poking around for ceramics and candle holders in the winery gift shop and both parties really want to be there.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
People

We had gay burglars the other night; they broke in and rearranged the furniture.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Situations

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war… just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Clothing Conflict Government Military War

There hasn’t been a more effeminate Jew in the closet since Anne Frank.

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Beliefs Religion

The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals, it’s just that they need more supervision.

(1959 – ) Australian writer & television producer
People Sex

A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Things

We have no gay people in Russia; there are homosexuals but they are not allowed to be gay about it.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Places

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

(1965 – ) comedian, actor, screenwriter, television producer & director
Marriage People

It’s a lot easier being black than gay; at least if you’re black you don’t have to tell.

American comedian & motivational speaker
People

Homosexuality in Russia is a crime and the punishment is seven years in prison, locked up with the other men… there is a three year waiting list.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Places

The Bible says gays aren’t natural; what? … and a talking snake is?!

(1980 – ) English comedian, television and radio presenter & actor
Beliefs People

Recruiter: Now, are either of you homosexuals?

John Winger: [John and Russell look at each other] You mean, like, flaming…

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
TV/Movie Quotes

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him, but life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Games

It’s better to be black than gay because when you’re black you don’t have to tell your mother.

comedian, composer & lyricist
Appearance Characteristics Mothers

I thank God for creating gay men; because if it wasn’t for them, us fat women would have no one to dance with.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
People

I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them, they said it wasn’t enough.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
People Self

If Michaelangelo had been a heterosexual, the Sistine Chapel would have been painted basic white and with a roller.

1944) is an American writer & screenwriter
Characteristics Entertainment

My cousin is gay; I always tell him that in our family tree, he's in the fruit section.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Relationships

Anyone might become homosexual after seeing Glenda Jackson naked.

(1939 – 2001) British author & journalist
Appearance Body Insults

My cousin is gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frogs, he was opening flies.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Sex