Keyword: Jews

Any time a person goes into a delicatessen and orders a pastrami on white bread, somewhere a Jew dies.

(1908 – 2002) comedian, radio & television actor
Food/Drink People

I don’t like Jew jokes and black jokes, and they make me very uncomfortable, probably because I’m both; well, I’m not black – but if I was then I could dance better.

(1983 – ) American comedian
People

There’s only one difference between Catholics and Jews; Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

(1952 – ) comedian
Beliefs Characteristics People Religion

Let's face it, show business is run by 2,000 Jews and Oprah, and she lives next door to Spielberg, which makes her Jewish by association.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author
Beliefs Entertainment People Religion

B’nai Briss

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Beliefs Malaprops Religion

Did you know that the only Israeli gold medal in the history of the Olympics was in sailing? … further reinforcing the stereotype that Jews don’t tip!

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Sports

I was raped by a doctor … which is so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.

(1970 – ) American comedian, writer & actress
People Self

As youse people say, Sh-boom.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops People

If Moses would have walked two more miles, we'd have all the oil.

(1957 – ) American comedian
Places

I'm Jewish, and I experience a lot of racism as a Jew, probably even more than most Jews 'cause I'm a moneylender.

(1972 – ) stand-up comedian & writer
Beliefs Religion

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs New York City Places Religion

A Jewish man with parents alive is a fifteen-year-old boy, and will remain a fifteen-year-old boy until they die.

(1933 –2018) American novelist
People

We just expressed our suffering differently as people; Blacks developed the blues… Jews complain… we just never thought of putting it to music.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
People

You take 10 Jews at random and put 'em on a basketball court, you get a real estate seminar.

comedian
People

The Arabs are only Jews upon horseback.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
People

People that put up Christmas decorations, all they’re saying is ‘Hey, we’re not Jews.’

(1957 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Religion Situations

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

(1961 – ) Canadian–American actor, voice actor, author, producer & activist
Beliefs Marriage Religion Situations

Did you ever say something and wish you could take it back?… something like, 'Yeah, I'm a Jew, what are you skinheads going to do about it?'

comedian
Communication Speech

Let my people go!

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Beliefs Religion

When Mel told his Jewish mother he was marrying an Italian girl, she said: ‘Bring her over; I’ll be in the kitchen—with my head in the oven.‘

(1931 – 2005) American actor
Family Mothers People Travel

During Passover, the angel of death passed over the Jews – an event that, up until the late 1950s, was re-enacted every year by Ivy League colleges and suburban country clubs.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs Religion