Keyword: Los Angeles

They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water… so it’s nice to know my son’s going to grow up and have huge breasts but it’s not going to bother him that much.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian, television writer/producer & radio host

I’m from Los Angeles… I don’t trust any air I can’t see.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor

Go to L.A. – they got gangbangers that will stab you, and then go to the corner and wait for the light to turn green.

American stand-up comedian

Trying to give my kids an education in Los Angeles is a nightmare with the guns, the gangs, the drugs – and I'm home schooling them.

American comedian & writer

Jack Lemmon In…

Rodney Dangerfield – There Goes The Neighborhood

Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

(1867 – 1959) architect, interior designer, writer & educator

Go away – I’m asleep.

If Iowa is the 'heart' land, what part of the human body is Los Angeles?

(1927 – 1997) Am. comedian & satirist notable for mock presidential campaign

I don’t want to talk about it now.

L.A. is nothing but a bunch of driving, and I hate all that damn driving 'cause it interferes with my drinking.

(1964 – ) American writer, stand-up comedian, actress, television host

L.A. is very dangerous; I carry a gun in my car, that way, in case the police stop me, I can fend them off until the press gets there.

American actor & writer

I’m A Writer But Then Nobody’s Perfect

I’ve been here eight months and have been in two earthquakes, a race riot, floods and fires, and I left New York because I couldn’t handle my mother.

comedian & television writer

There are two million interesting people in New York and only seventy-eight in Los Angeles.

(1927 – 2018) playwright & screenwriter

In Los Angeles, by the time you’re 35, you’re older than most of the buildings.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director

I’ve been here (Los Angeles) eight months; I have been in two earthquakes, a race riot, floods and fires, and I left New York because I couldn't handle my mother.

comedian & television writer

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

You couldn't be a racist and live in L.A.; you'd be exhausted.

(1973 – ) American stand-up comedian

If you ever thought you were ugly, Los Angeles is the place to come and find out you were right.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor

Seventy-two suburbs in search of a city.

(1893 – 1967) writer, humorist & poet