Keyword: Names

I don’t have any children but if I had a baby I would have to name it so I’d buy a “baby naming book” … or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Books Children Family

If I had a baby, I would have to name it so I’d buy a baby naming book… or I would invite somebody over who had a cast on.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Children Family

Name on building: upper class. Name on desk: middle class. Name on shirt: working class

Murphy’s Laws

Sometimes people come up to me and they'll be like, 'In Italy, it's pronounced 'Bir-Bee-Lya’ … and I'm like, 'In America, you're annoying.

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
Communication Language People Self

If there are two possible ways to spell a person’s name, you will pick the wrong spelling.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

What shall we call our son so he does not get the shit kicked out of him at school? … we shall call him Englebert Humperdink… yes, that'll work.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
People

Darling: The popular form of address used in speaking to a member of the opposite sex whose name you cannot at the moment remember.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Definitions

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

(1937 – ) comedian & television actor
Children Communication Language

You have to know a man awfully well in Canada to know his surname.

(1875 – 1940) Scottish novelist, historian & Governor General of Canada
Canada People Places

It was a hard name to have growing up as a child; kids would call me names like “Birbiglebug” and “Birbibliography” and “Faggot.”

(1978 – ) American comedian & writer
People Self

I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands; her name was “woman.”

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
People Women

I know the name, but I can’t replace the face.

professional baseball player
Appearance Misspokements

So, have you noticed there aren't a lot of Chinese guys named Rusty?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
People

If Jesus was a Jew, how come he has a Mexican first name?

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Beliefs Characteristics Religion