Keyword: Olympics

Finishing second in the Olympics gets you silver; finishing second in politics gets you oblivion.

(1913 – 1994) 37th U.S. president
Government Politics Sports

A silver medal gets you as many free beers as a gold medal does.

Australian Olympic shooter
Sports

Did you know that the only Israeli gold medal in the history of the Olympics was in sailing? … further reinforcing the stereotype that Jews don’t tip!

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Sports

I’ll have a cup of tea.

Kenyan runner
Sports

Oral sex should be an Olympic sport because it’s harder than curling, and if you’re good at it, you deserve a medal.

(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
Sex Sports

There are too many weird Olympic events now, like that one where the gymnasts prance around the mat swirling a piece of ribbon… it’s called ‘rhythmic gymnastics’ – unless you’re five, then it’s called ‘playing.’

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Sports

Gold Medal Specialists. Sprints! Relays! Marathons! Hot and Raring to Go.

Sex Signs Sports

I spent twelve years training for a career that was over in a week; Joe Namath spent one week training for a career that lasted twelve years.

(1949 – ) American Olympic athlete
Activities People Situations Sports

Pain is something you expect. You can’t win an Olympic final waving at the crowd.

British rower
Sports

It was further than I thought.

Equatorial Guinea swimmer
Sports