Keyword: Restaurants

I took this girl to dinner, and I heard that women like it when you order for them, so I was like, 'I'll have the special, and she's not getting anything tonight.'

(1981 – ) American comedian, writer & actor
Food/Drink People Situations Women

The British tourist is always happy abroad as long as the natives are waiters.

(1908 – 1992) English actor
Food/Drink Places

A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Food/Drink

Why spoil a good meal with a big tip?

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Food/Drink Money

I’m in favor of liberalized immigration because of the effect it would have on restaurants; I’d let just about everybody in except the English.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
England Food/Drink Places

Nowadays, an after-dinner mint is what you need to pay the restaurant check.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Food/Drink Money

There is something wrong when you wait in line thirty minutes to get a hamburger that was cooked for ninety seconds an hour ago.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Food/Drink Time

The murals in restaurants are on par with the food in museums.

(1910 – 1993) editor & novelist
Art Entertainment Food/Drink

I was in a restaurant that had a sign that said 'Restrooms For Customers Only'… I thought, it must suck to work there.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Food/Drink Situations Work

L.A. is so celebrity-conscious, there's a restaurant that only serves Jack Nicholson – and when he shows up, they tell him there'll be a ten-minute wait.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Places Success

In a restaurant with seats which are close to each other, one will always find the decibel level of the nearest conversation to be inversely proportional to the quality of the thought going into it.

Communication Conversation Murphy’s Laws Speech

An executive will always return to work from lunch early if no one takes him.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws Work

Never order barbeque in a place that also serves quiche.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist
Food/Drink

There's a pizza place near where I live that only sells slices; you go by there and you see the guy throwing up little triangles.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink

The item you had your eye on the minute you walked in will be taken by the person in front of you.

Food/Drink Murphy’s Laws

In Tulsa, restaurants have signs that say, 'Sorry, we're open.’

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Food/Drink Places

The tastelessness of the food offered in American clubs varies in direct proportion to the exclusiveness of the club.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Food/Drink

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Eating Food/Drink