Keyword: Scotland

The country where they invented bacon flavor mouthwash.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Places

They christened their game ‘golf’ because they were Scottish and reveled in meaningless Celtic noises in the back of the throat.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Golf Places Sports

Scotland: A land of meanness, sophistry and lust.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Places

In Scotland we have a verdict ‘not proven;’ that means ‘not guilty, but don’t do it again.’

Law Places

It requires a surgical operation to get a joke well into a Scotch understanding.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Entertainment People Places

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places Science/Weather

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and ray of sunshine.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
People Places

In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

(1963 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & film producer
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

In Scotland we have mixed feelings about Global Warming…. because we all get to sit on the mountains and watch the English drown.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
England Places

In Scotland we have a verdict ‘not proven;’ that means ‘not guilty, but don’t do it again.’

Law Places

Scotland, the country where they fry the food five times to make sure it’s dead.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Places

Scotland: That garret of the earth – that knuckle-end of England – that land of Calvin, oatcakes, and sulfur.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Insults Places

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland; people in Scotland drink while they're drinking.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Food/Drink Places

In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places Science/Weather

In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Places

I look upon Switzerland as an inferior sort of Scotland.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Places

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Places