Keyword: Scotland

I look upon Switzerland as an inferior sort of Scotland.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Places

In fact, I think most Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

(1963 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & film producer
Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

In Scotland we have a verdict ‘not proven;’ that means ‘not guilty, but don’t do it again.’

Law Places

In Scotland we have mixed feelings about Global Warming…. because we all get to sit on the mountains and watch the English drown.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
England Places

They christened their game ‘golf’ because they were Scottish and reveled in meaningless Celtic noises in the back of the throat.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director
Golf Places Sports

It requires a surgical operation to get a joke well into a Scotch understanding.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Entertainment People Places

In Scotland, there is no such thing as bad weather – only the wrong clothes.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places Science/Weather

It is never difficult to distinguish between a Scotsman with a grievance and ray of sunshine.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
People Places

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.

(1942 – ) Scottish comedian, musician & actor
Places Science/Weather

If you think you're an alcoholic, go to Scotland; people in Scotland drink while they're drinking.

(1970 – ) American actor, producer & stand up comedian
Food/Drink Places

In Scotland the forbidden fruit is fruit.

(1973 – ) English writer & stand-up comedian
Food/Drink Places

In Scotland we have a verdict ‘not proven;’ that means ‘not guilty, but don’t do it again.’

Law Places

The country where they invented bacon flavor mouthwash.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Places

Scotland: A land of meanness, sophistry and lust.

(1788 – 1824) English poet
Places

Scotland, the country where they fry the food five times to make sure it’s dead.

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Places

Scotland: That garret of the earth – that knuckle-end of England – that land of Calvin, oatcakes, and sulfur.

(1771 – 1845) English writer & Anglican clergyman
Insults Places

As the plane lands in Glasgow airport, passengers are reminded to set their watch back, 25 years.

(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
Places