Keyword: Speed

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 ft/sec, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Animals

At 180 mph, when your front wheel wants to play pogo stick, you don't do nothing. You don't sneeze, you don't hiccup, you don't even breathe. All you do is point it and hang on.

American motorcycle racer
Auto racing Sports

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks grey?

(1973 – ) American comedian
Animals Science/Weather

Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Auto racing Sports

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong – but that’s the way to bet.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Sports

When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.

Age Murphy’s Laws Old

I play the harmonica, but only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Music Things

Computing power increases as the square of the cost; if you want to do it twice as cheaply, you have to do it four times slower.

Computers Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Situations Things

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

Money Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Things

Remember folks, stop lights timed for 35 mph are also timed for 70 mph.

(1948 – 1990) comedian
Autos Science/Weather Things

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

The speed of exit of a civil servant is directly proportional to the quality of his service.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather Work

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Science/Weather Situations

That was faster than green grass through a goose.

Miscellaneous

I put a new engine in my car, but I didn't take the other one out; now I can go 500 mph.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Situations Things

The speed of time is one second per second.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather Time

Faster than a scalded dog

Miscellaneous

OK, so what’s the speed of dark?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Science/Weather

I normally run the 40-yard dash in 4.9, but when a 280-pound guy is chasing me, I run it in 4.6.

American football player
Football Sports

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Communication Science/Weather

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather