Keyword: Telephone

I like to leave messages before the beep.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Things

I tried phone sex and got an ear infection.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Health Sex

The voice of love seemed to call me… but it was a wrong number.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Emotions Love

It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Animals Dogs

The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Communication Computers Science/Weather Things

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Communication Situations Things

If a man says, "I'll call you," and he doesn't, he didn't forget, he didn't lose your number, he didn't die… he just didn't want to call you.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Communication Men People

I tell ya, my wife likes to talk during sex; last night, she called me from a motel.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Sex Speech Wives

Remember to never answer a phone during sex, even if you hilariously answer with, ‘I can’t talk now, I’m going into a tunnel.'

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Sex Things

1. The telephone will ring when you are outside the door, fumbling for your keys.
2. You will reach it just in time to hear the click of the caller hanging up.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Things

Did you ever meet a mother who’s complained that her child phoned her too often… me neither.

(1946 – ) British actress, columnist & comedian
Children Communication Family Mothers

I got an answering machine for my phone; now when I’m not home and somebody calls me up, they hear a recording of a busy signal.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication

I’m too shy to express my sexual needs except over the phone to people I don’t know.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor
Characteristics Communication Sex

The effectiveness of a telephone conversation is in inverse proportion to the time spent on it.

Communication Conversation Murphy’s Laws Time

I rang up British Telecom, I said 'I want to report a nuisance caller,' he said 'Not you again.’

(1926 – 2012) Irish comedian & actor
Communication

If the phone doesn’t ring, it’s me.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & businessman
Emotions Things

A telephone survey says that 51 percent of college students drink until they pass out at least once a month… the other 49 percent didn’t answer the phone.

(1962 – ) American actor and talk show host
Alcohol Food/Drink People

When you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal.

Communication Murphy’s Laws

All phone calls are obscene.

American author
Communication Language

Gossip is nature’s telephone.

(Sholem Naumovich Rabinovich) (1859 – 1916) Jewish author & humorist
Communication

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

(1950 – ) writer & humorist
Communication Life People Things